Another home problem is solved by a firm of cleaners in Grinnell, Iowa, which advertises:  “Notice—­ladies—­why worry about your dirty kids when we clean them for fifteen cents?”

“Our readers,” says the Boston Transcript, “often go into movie theaters to laugh, but did you ever realize that you can get many a good laugh by reading the funny wording of some of the signs out in front and in the lobby?  We have noticed how audiences enjoy these funny signs which have been shown on the screen in The Literary Digest ‘Topics of the Day.’  Here are some of the most laughable ones mentioned: 

“Movie theater sign: 

      “‘Watch Your Wife’
        Every Night This Week.”

  —­Albany Argus.

“Sign in front of Harlem movie theater: 

      “’Mother, I Need You
          for Three Days
        Beginning Nov. 30’.”

“Sign in front of movie house: 

  “’Geraldine Farrar, supported for the first time by her husband’.”

  —­Columbus (O.) Citizen.

“This seems to be a very dangerous precipice,” remarked the tourist.  “I wonder that they have not put up a warning-board!”

“Yes,” answered the guide, “it is dangerous.  They kept a warning-board up for two years, but no one fell over, so it was taken down.”

Mr. Roberts, a banker in a Western town, was very bald and was in the habit of wearing his hat in the bank during business hours.  Every week a negro employee of the bank presented a check and drew his wages.  One day, as he was putting the money in a worn and greasy wallet, the banker chanced to pass by, and asked, “Look here, John, why don’t you let some of that money stay in the bank and keep an account with us?”

“Well, sah,” replied the negro, leaning toward the banker and gazing curiously at the Panama hat he wore, “I’se always afeared.  You see, sah, you look like you was always ready to start somewheres.”

During revival meetings in a Western city placards giving notices of the various meetings, subjects, etc., were posted in conspicuous places.  One day the following was displayed: 

“Subject—­’Hell:  Its Location and Its Absolute Certainty.’

“Thomas Jones, barytone, will sing ‘Tell Mother I’ll Be There.’”

SILENCE

I think the first virtue is to restrain the tongue; he approaches nearest to the gods who knows how to be silent, even tho’ he is in the right.—­Cato.

Nothing at times is more expressive than silence.—­George Eliot.

SIMPLIFIED SPELLING

See Spelling.

SIN

NEW CURATE—­“What did you think of the sermon on Sunday, Mrs. Jones?”

PARISHIONER—­“Very good indeed, sir.  So instructive.  We really didn’t know what sin was till you came here.”