Three Scotchmen were in church one Sunday morning when the minister made a strong appeal for some very worthy cause, hoping that every one in the congregation would give at least one dollar or more.  The three Scots became very nervous as the collection plate neared them, when one of them fainted and the other two carried him out.

Scotchmen are proverbial for their caution.

Mr. MacTavish attended a christening where the hospitality of the host knew no bounds except the several capacities of the guests.  In the midst of the celebration Mr. MacTavish rose up and made rounds of the company, bidding each a profound farewell.

“But, Sandy, man,” objected the host, “ye’re not going yet, with the evenin’ just started?”

“Nay,” said the prudent MacTavish.  “I’m no’ goin’ yet.  But I’m tellin’ ye good-night while I know ye all.”

A Scotchman was strolling through the market-place one day with his faithful collie at his heels.  Attracted by a fine display of shell and other fish, the Scot stopped to admire, perhaps to purchase.  The dog stood by gently wagging its tail while its master engaged the fishmonger in conversation.

Unfortunately for the dog, its tail dropped for a moment over a big basketful of fine live lobsters.  Instantly one of the largest lobsters snapt its claws on the tail and the surprised collie dashed off through the market, yelping with pain, while the lobster hung on grimly, tho dashed violently from side to side.  The fishmonger for a moment was speechless with indignation.  Then turning to his prospective customer, he bawled: 

“Mon, mon! whustle to yer dog!  Whustle to yer dog!”

“Hoot, mon,” returned the other, complacently, “whustle to yer lobster!”

SEASICKNESS

“My dear old fellow!  What’s the matter?  The sea’s like a duck-pond!”

“I know, old boy—­but I’ve taken six—­different—­remedies.”—­Punch.

The Chief Justice while presiding over the Supreme Court at Washington took the several Justices of the Court for a run down Chesapeake Bay.  A stiff wind sprang up, and Justice Gray was getting decidedly the worst of it.  As he leaned over the rail in great distress the Chief Justice touched him on the shoulder and said in a tone of deepest sympathy: 

“Is there anything I can do for you, Gray?”

“No, thank you,” returned the sick Justice, “unless your Honor can overrule this motion.”

An amateur sailor was making his first trip across the Atlantic, and was in the throes of the mal de mer when the ship’s surgeon came across him.

“What’s the matter?” was the doctor’s callous query.

“O-o-oh!” was the only response as the young man rolled over in agony.

“Come, get up,” derided the surgeon, grinning unfeelingly.  “The ship’s been torpedoed and will sink in ten minutes.”