“Ah, you have signed it.  Permit me to insert the amount—­say $25,000.  Our doctor will call on you tomorrow at 12:01.  Thank you, Mr. Smith.  Yes; I am using a new method.  The idea came from the Four Minute speakers.  Haven’t lost a prospect yet.  But my time is up.  I shall deliver your policy in person, but that takes only one minute under the new system.  Good-bye.”

“I don’t think I’ll buy the house, but I’ve enjoyed the ride out here.  You run a good car.”

“Yes, I’m agent for this make.  Can I book your order?”

  Keep hollering—­
  There’s somebody
  Somewhere that’ll
  Want what you’ve
  Got sometime!

That clerk you all know died and approached the pearly gates.

“Give me a seat in the front row,” he demanded of St. Peter.

“Sorry,” said the hoary gatekeeper.  “Heaven’s all sold out, but I can give you something just as good.”

Trade was bad.  At the end of another blank day the discouraged salesman called on another prospective customer and asked to show his samples.

“No, there is nothing I want today,” said the customer,

“But will you just examine my line of goods?” the salesman persisted.

The customer would not.

“Then,” said the salesman meekly, “will you let me use a part of your counter to look at them myself, as I have not had the opportunity for some time?”

“I want a pair of the best gloves you have,” said Mrs. Nuritch at the glove counter.

“Yes, ma’am,” replied the polite salesman.  “How long do you want them?”

“Don’t git insultin’, young man!  I want to buy ’em, not hire ’em.”

“How do you manage to sell so many fireless cookers?”

“It’s due to my method of approach,” said the smart salesman.  “I begin my little talk by saying, ’Madam, I have called to enable you to spend every afternoon at the movies.’”

NEW MAN ON THE ROAD—­“What is the best time for me to see the head of this firm I’m working for, boy?”

OFFICE BOY—­“Between the time he gets your sales-account and the time he gets your expense-account.”—­Puck.

"Orders Is Orders"

One of the traveling salesmen breezed back from a short trip.

“How’s business?” grunted the manufacturer.

“Fine,” beamed the agent.

Manufacturer reached for the “good-business” cigars.

“How fine?”

“Got two good orders,” the agent said.

“Ah-ha,” grinned the boss.  “Who were they from?”

“One,” came the reply, “was from Mr.——­ of——­ &——­ who ordered me to ‘Get out,’ and the other was from his partner who ordered me to ‘Stay out.’”

See also Booksellers and bookselling; Mistakes.

SALVATION

An evangelist was exhorting his hearers to flee from the wrath to come.  “I warn you,” he thundered, “there will be weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.”