OLD LADY (to motorman on her first drive on an electric car)—­“Would it be dangerous, conductor, if I was to put my foot on the rail?”

MOTORMAN (an Edison man)—­“No, mum, not unless you was to put the other one on the overhead wire.”

SALARIES

“And about the salary?” said the movie star.

“Well,” said the manager after a moment’s thought, “suppose we call it $5,000 a week?”

“All right.”

“Of course, you understand that the $5,000 is merely what we call it—­you will get $500.”

Salary—­something paid to you for what you do.

Income—­something paid to you for what your father did.

“How do you know that Blinks has had a raise in salary?”

“He argues that the world is getting better; that the danger from monopolies has been greatly magnified, and that human nature isn’t so bad, after all.”

SALESMEN AND SALESMANSHIP

“Hey, what did you go and sell them apples fer?”

“Ain’t they fer sale?”

“No.  Them was the samples we take out to our automobile customers.”

“Who,” asked the officiating clergyman, formally but impressively, “gives this bride away?”

“I—­I was to,” stammered her father, “but I’ve been a retail salesman too long to give anything away.  Let somebody else do it.”

PROSPECTIVE SALESMAN (to sales-manager who has advertised for a salesman)—­“I’m answering your ad in today’s paper.”

SALES MANAGER—­“Had much experience?”

PROSPECTIVE SALESMAN (confidently)—­“Yes, sir.  I’ve sold most everything in my time.”

SALES MANAGER—­“Then try selling me your services!” Mr. Babcock was driving through the country, trying to buy a mule.  He was directed to a colored man who had one for sale.

“Do you want to sell a mule?” asked Babcock.

“Yaas, sah,” replied the owner.  “May I ask whar yo’ live, sah?”

“What has that got to do with it?” queried Babcock.

“Well,” explained the negro, “I ain’t gwine ter transfer dat mule to nobody dat lives less dan two hundred miles away from here.  When I sells that mule I wants to git rid not only of de mule, but of all conversation appertainin’ to him.”

“Mr. Smith, I represent the Stygian Life Insurance Company.  I know you don’t want to talk to me or listen to me; I know you have all the insurance you feel able to pay for.  I am not here to tell you your chances of dying tonight, or of being hit by an automobile on leaving this building; neither shall I try to convince you that my company can offer you anything more than any other well-managed, long-established concern.  I shall not pretend that I am especially interested in your welfare and wish to do you a service.  I am trying to make a living.  Here is a blank application.  You do not need to say any of the commonplaces.  Good day, Mr. Smith.