See also Journalism; Newspapers.

REPUTATION

“So you come from New York,” said an English lady to a traveling American.  “I supposed, of course, you came from Boston.”

“Why did you think that?” inquired the New York lady.

“Because I supposed all cultivated, intelligent Americans came from Boston.”

“But what in the world made you think that?” was the natural question.

“Oh, I don’t know, exactly.  I think it was a Boston lady who told me.”

Having heard a popular make of motor-car highly spoken of, he entered the depot with the idea of purchasing one.  The selection was soon made, and the customer expressed himself ready to buy if he could have a trial trip.  That, the salesman explained, was impossible; the cars were sold on their reputation only.  The customer declined to buy without a trial, and was leaving the store when the chairman of the company entered, and the situation was explained to him.

The chairman agreed that the salesman’s attitude was correct.  “But,” said he, “as I don’t like turning money away, I’ll take you for a run in the car myself.”  The selected car was brought out, the chairman took the driving wheel, the customer sat alongside him, and the run began.

For some time she ran beautifully.  Then, halfway up a hill, there was a sudden stoppage, and, do what he would, the driver could not induce the car to move.

Said the customer:  “A jolly good thing I insisted on a trial.”

Very red in the face, the chairman left the car, went to the front and lifted the bonnet to see what was the matter.  “Holy smoke!” he exclaimed.  “She’s got no engine in her.  She’s run two miles on nothing but her reputation.”

REST CURE

  I wish I was a little rock
    On top of yonder hill
  A doin’ nothin’ all day long
    But just a settin’ still.

  I wouldn’t eat, I wouldn’t sleep
    I wouldn’t even wash
  I’d set and set a thousand years
    And rest myself—­By Gosh!

RESTAURANTS

A gentleman from the rural districts of Missouri recently made his first visit to New York.  Shortly after his arrival he went into a restaurant and ordered what seemed to him like a rather meager meal.  When the bill was presented it totaled $8.35.  The Missourian looked at the amount twice to make sure his eyes were not deceiving him.  Then he smiled.  “Waiter,” he called, “you’ve made a mistake.  I’ve got more money than that!”

GUEST—­“Look here!  How long must I wait for the half-portion of duck I ordered?”

WAITER—­“Till somebody orders the other half.  We can’t go out and kill half a duck.”

Dr. C——­, who was called to the far end of Long Island to extract an appendix, missed the last train back, stayed over night in a miserable hotel, and was waited on at breakfast by a sallow and cadaverous country girl.  Said she: