Dear Sirs,—­About the engine.  Well,
We write to let you know
We’ve waded through the booklet on
“What Makes the Engine Go.” 
It took us close on half a day
To read through all the guff;
The engine goes all right, but don’t
Keep goin’ long enough. 
It’s very good to understand
What makes the engine go. 
But why the deuce the d—–­ thing stops
Is what we want to know. 
So now we’re making this request,
While tears and curses drop,
Please send along a booklet on
What Makes the Engine Stop. 
The folk around here all await
With interest your reply: 
To them the reasons why she goes
Don’t seem to signify. 
So while we wait and chew the cud
Don’t let the matter flop;
For Gawd’s sake write and let us know
What makes the blighter stop.

See also Fords; Garages; Horses; Reputation.

AVIATION

TOMMY (to Aviator)—­“What is the most deadly poison known?”

AVIATOR—­“Aviation poison.”

TOMMY—­“How much does it take to kill a person?”

AVIATOR—­“One drop!”

ENTHUSIASTIC AVIATOR (after long explanation of principle and workings of his biplane)—­“Now, you understand it, don’t you?”

YOUNG LADY—­“All but one thing.”

AVIATOR—­“And that is—?”

YOUNG LADY—­“What makes it stay up?”

ENTHUSIAST—­“Don’t the spectators tire you with the questions they ask?”

AVIATOR—­“Yes.  What else do you want to know?”

MANDY—­“Rastus, you all knows dat yo’ remind me of dem dere flyin’ machines?”

RASTUS—­“No, Mandy, how’s dat?”

MANDY—­“Why becays youse no good on earth.”

BACHELORS

It is a safe guess that the man who pokes fun at a woman for shopping all day and not buying anything isn’t married.

MADGE—­“You shouldn’t say he’s a confirmed bachelor unless you know.”

MARJORIE—­“But I do know; I confirmed him.”

It is admitted that married men have better halves but it is claimed that bachellors generally have better quarters.

BAGGAGE

TOMMY (just off train, with considerable luggage)—­“Cabby, how much is it for me to Latchford?”

CABBY—­“Two shillings, sir.”

TOMMY—­“How much for my luggage?”

CABBY—­“Free, sir.”

TOMMY—­“Take the luggage, I’ll walk.”

BALDNESS

BALD HEADED GUEST—­“Well, sonny, what is it that amuses you?”

YOUNG HOPEFUL—­“Nothing; only mother has put a brush and comb in your bedroom.”

SCEPTIC—­“If you have such an infallible remedy for baldness, why don’t you use it?”

SUBTLE BARBER (very bald)—­“Ah, sir, I sacrifice my appearance to bring ’ome to clients the ’orror of ’airlessness.”—­Punch.