“No-o-o, I never was exactly disappointed in love,” he meditated.  “I was more what you might call discouraged.  You see, when I was very young I became very much enamored of a young lady of my acquaintance; I was mortally afraid to tell her of my feeling, but at last I screwed up my courage to the proposing point.  I said, ‘Let’s get married.’

“And she said, ‘Good Lord!  Who’d have us!’”—­Everybody’s.

HE (cautiously)—­“Would you say ‘Yes’ if I asked you to marry me?”

SHE (still more cautiously)—­“Would you ask me to marry you if I said I would say ‘Yes’ if you asked me to marry you?”

“Congratulate me, Freddy.  Last night your sister promised to marry me.”

“Oh, she promised mother she’d marry you long ago.”—­Life.

HE-"I called to see your father this afternoon.”

SHE (fluttering visibly)-"Oh, did you?”

HE—­“Yes; he has been owing our firm a little bill for some time.”

“So you want to marry my daughter,” said Mr. Cumrox.

“Yes,” replied the young man.  “I hope to hear you say take her and be happy!”

“No, sir.  I’m not going to shoulder any implied responsibilities.  All I am going to say is ‘take her.’”

HARRY—­“Marry me and your smallest wishes will always be fulfilled.”

CARRIE—­“I am able to do that myself.  What I want is a man who will gratify my biggest wishes.”

“I was speaking with your father last night,” he said at last, somewhat inanely.

“Oh, were you?” answered the sweet young thing, lowering her eyes.  “Er—­what were you—­er—­talking about?”

“About the war in Europe.  Your father said that he hoped the fighting would soon be over.”

The sweet young thing smiled.

“Yes,” she remarked.  “I know he’s very much opposed to long engagements.”

PROSPERITY

For some people half the battle consists in looking prosperous; the other half, in getting credit on the strength of such prosperity.

PSYCHOLOGICAL MOMENT

We all “ketch” ’em at the psychological moment: 

The doctor, when they think they are going to die.

The lawyer, when they think they are going to be sent to jail.

The dentist, when they think a tooth is going to blow off their heads.

The tax collector, when they think they are going to be sold out.

The garage man, when they think they are going to have a blow-out.

The captain, when they think the major is on their trail.

The undertaker, when they don’t think any more!

PSYCHOLOGY

“Father,” said the small boy, “what is psychology?”

“Psychology, my son, is a word of four syllables that you ring in to distract attention when the explaining gets difficult.”