“Pop, what is a promoter?”

“A promoter, my son, is a man who can make either a dollar or a penny look like thirty cents.”—­Life.

PROMPTNESS

On the occasion of the death of a chief of one of the department bureaus in Washington, a clerk in that bureau was dashing madly down the street when he was stopped by a friend, who asked:  “Why the deuce are you in such a tearing hurry?”

“I am going,” explained the clerk, “to the funeral of my chief, and there is nothing he hates like unpunctuality.”

“I’m sorry to find the baroness out.  Don’t forget to tell her I called, will you?”

“No, sir, I’ll tell her at once.”

PRONUNCIATION

“Wasn’t it fearful about the Reims cathedral?”

“Don’t say Reems; it sounds horribly ignorant.”

“Well, how do you pronounce it?”

“Why, Hranss.”

"How?"

“Hn—­Hranhss!  Just as if you were clearing your throat.  See?  Hranss!”

“Well, you sound as if you had a dreadful influenza, threatened with grip!”

“Well, that’s right, anyhow.  H—­hn—­hnh—­hrahnhss!”

“You’d better go to Arizona!  You’ll never get well here!  I don’t believe you, anyway.  Everybody says Reems.”

“They don’t, either!”

“They do so!”

“Oh, well, it depends on the sort of people you associate with—­”

“Well, I don’t go with a lot of fake highbrows, anxious to show off the French they learned in a course of lessons by mail—­”

“Better than a lot of country junks who don’t know how to pronounce—­”

“Oh, well, the church wasn’t hurt much, anyhow.”

“No, they say it can be repaired.  How do you like my hat?”

“Heavenly!  What do you think of mine?”

“Adorable!  Let’s go in and have soda.”

“Let’s.”—­Carolyn Wells.

PROPERTY

“Property is the fruit of labor; property is desirable; is a positive good in the world.  That some should be rich shows that others may become rich, and hence is just encouragement to industry and enterprise.  Let not him who is houseless pull down the house of another, but let him work diligently and build one for himself, thus by example assuring that his own shall be safe from violence when built.”—­Abraham Lincoln.

PROPOSALS

“No,” said the positive girl, “I will never tie myself down to one man.”

“Perhaps,” he replied sarcastically, “if I organize a syndicate you will consider our offer.”

MERCHANT (to applicant for job)—­“Sorry, but I only employ married men.”

APPLICANT-"Do you happen to have a daughter, sir?”