When the confusion had subsided Harry’s mother was heard saying from the hallway:  “That will do, Richard, dear.  You have given him enough for one lesson.”

Sometime ago a pious young clerical prevailed on a rather profane aviator to take him for a flight.  After attaining several thousand feet the motor suddenly stopped, revealing to the uttermost the aviator’s gift of profanity.

The alarmed pastor excitedly demanded if there was any danger.  The pilot replied sarcastically that there would be prayer instead of profanity if there was any danger.

The motor “cut in” again and the flight continued.  Suddenly the motor stopped again and notwithstanding the pilot’s efforts, accompanied by the usual lurid language, he was forced to alight.  Just as he flattened out for his landing, the pilot was disconcerted by hearing the parson exclaim in fervid tones:  “Thank God the aviator is still swearing.”

Small Ann’s mother had been disturbed to hear her using the word “devil.”  “My dear,” said she, “that is a word we do not use in polite society, and I never want to hear you say it again.”

She noticed that her admonition was carefully heeded.  Then on Sunday evening, about two weeks later, the mother inquired what the day’s lesson had been about.  “Why, mother,” was Ann’s answer, “it was about when our Lord was tempted by the—­by—­by—­the—­the gentleman that keeps hell!”

Young William was evincing much interest in the evening paper, but finally a puzzled look came over his countenance.

“Mother,” said he, finally, “what does D—­d stand for?”

“Doctor of Divinity, my son.  Don’t they teach you the common abbreviations in school?”

“Sure; but that don’t seem to sound right here.”

“Read it out aloud.”

“WITNESS:  I heard the defendant say, I’ll make you suffer for this.  I’ll be doctor of divinity if I don’t!’”

“Say, Sam, why do you-all carry that parrot around with you on the wagon?”

“Well, yo’ see, boss, I’se a membah of the chu’ch, but de mule ain’t, so I hauls the pa’ot to fu’nish the cussin’ fo’ de mule.”

FATHER—­“I’m ashamed to see you crying because a bee stung you.  Act like a man.”

BOBBIE—­“Y-yes, and th-then you-you’d gim-me a li-lickin’, like you s-said y-you would i-if yon ever h-heard m-me usin’ that k-kind of l-language.”

PROFESSIONS

An ambitious young man went to a university professor and said:  “Sir, I desire a course of training which will fit me to become the superintendent of a great railway system.  How much will such a course cost, and how long will it take?”

“Young man,” replied the professor, “such a course would cost you twenty thousand dollars, and require twenty years of your time.  But, on the other hand, by spending three hundred dollars of your money and three months of your time you may be elected to Congress.  Once there you will feel yourself competent to direct not one but all the great railroad systems of our country.”