“Why do you bring a check with the cocktails?”

“That isn’t a check.  That’s the house chemist’s certificate.”

The curator of the museum was classifying Egyptian curios.  He observed a perplexed expression on the face of his young assistant.

“What seems to be the matter, Jones?” he asked.  “Is there anything you don’t understand?”

“Yes, sir,” answered the helper.  “Here is a papyrus on which the characters are so badly traced that they are indecipherable.  How shall I classify it?”

“Let me see,” said the curator, examining the piece.  “Just call it a doctor’s prescription in the time of Pharaoh.”

Spirit writing—­the modern doctor’s prescription—­Life.

See also Names, Personal.

PRETENSION

  Pretension is a kind of velvet cloak
    I wear to hide my real self from view,
  And yet where’er I meet with other folk
    I always find they wear this garment too.

  Pretension is a kind of golden veil
    Behind whose mesh I seek to hide my face,
  And yet where’er I go I never fail
    To see that others wear it too with grace.

  Pretension is a thing I say I hate
    In both myself and in my dearest friend,
  And yet whene’er I slyly watch and wait
    I find in some regard we all pretend.

  —­Ernest Powell.

Where there is much pretension, much has been borrowed:  Nature never pretends.—­Lavater.

When half-gods go, the gods arrive.—­Emerson.

PRICES

“Have any trouble in getting your money back?”

“Not a bit,” replied the dissatisfied purchaser.  “But I got the worst of it, as usual.  The price of the article had jumped so by the time I got back to the store that they made a profit by getting it in stock again.”

Jean longed for a kitten.  When illness made it necessary for Jean to go to the hospital, her mother said: 

“I will make a bargain with you, Jean.  If you will be a brave little girl about your operation, you shall have the nicest kitten I can find.”

Jean took the ether, but later, as she came out from under the anesthetic, she realized how very wretched she felt.  The nurse leaned over to catch her first spoken word.

“What a bum way to get a cat!” moaned the child.—­Harper’s.

The most cheerful sign is that counterfeiters are again finding it worth while to make money.

PRIDE

Randolph Bourne, a brilliant American writer who recently died, left many thoughts that stand out like cut diamonds.  Here is one:  “Only Pride is creation.”

Pride forms one of the towering pillars in the structure of efficient performance.

Not until you feel the worth of what you do, are you able freely to dominate and achieve.  Through the hard days of darkness and discouragement, up and beyond the gruelling grades of steep ways, are you asked to go if you desire substantial reward.  It takes pride to endure.