The seven ages of man have been well tabulated by somebody or other on an acquisitive basis.  Thus: 

First age—­Sees the earth.

Second age—­Wants it.

Third age—­Hustles to get it.

Fourth age—­Decides to be satisfied with only half of it.

Fifth age—­Becomes still more moderate.

Sixth age—­Now content to possess a six-by-two strip of it.

Seventh age—­Gets the strip.

Wisdom

When I have ceased to break my wings
Against the faultiness of things,
And learned that compromises wait
Behind each hardly opened gate,
When I can look life in the eyes
Grown calm and very coldly wise,
Life will have given me the Truth
And taken in exchange—­My Youth.

  —­Sara Teasdale.

LISPING

A young lady who lisped very badly was treated by a specialist, and learned to say the sentence:  “Sister Susie’s Sewing Shirts for Soldiers.”

She repeated it to her friends, and was praised upon her masterly performance.

“Yeth, but ith thuth an ectheedingly difficult remark to work into a converthathion—­ethpethially when you conthider that I have no thither Thuthie.”

LOGIC

“Sedentary work,” said the college lecturer, “tends to lessen the endurance.”

“In other words,” butted in the smart student, “the more one sits the less one can stand.”

“Exactly,” retorted the lecturer; “and if one lies a great deal one’s standing is lost completely.”

Two men were hotly discussing the merits of a book.  Finally, one of them, himself an author, said to the other:  “No, John, you can’t appreciate it.  You never wrote a book yourself.”

“No,” retorted John, “and I never laid an egg, but I’m a better judge of an omelet than any hen.”

LONDON

A teacher asked her class to write an essay on London.  She was surprised to read the following in one attempt: 

“The people of London are noted for their stupidity.”

The young author was asked how he got that idea.

“Please, miss,” was the reply, “it says in the text-books the population of London is very dense.”

“Hiram writes that the first day he was in London he lost L12.”

“Great Caesar’s ghost!  Ain’t they got any health laws in that town?”

LOST AND FOUND

OLD GENTLEMAN (in street car)—­“Has anyone here dropped a roll of bills, with a rubber elastic around them?”

“Yes, I have!” cried a dozen at once.

OLD GENTLEMAN (calmly)—­“Well, I’ve just picked up the elastic.”

“Cohn, I’ve lost my pocketbook.”

“Have you looked by your pockets?”