A morning paper complains that “eggs ought to be more plentiful and cheaper than they are at the present time.”  The number of hens to be seen nowadays standing about doing nothing is certainly a scandal.

An American teacher undertook the task of convincing an indolent native son of the Philippines that it was his duty to get out and hustle.

“But why should I work?” inquired the guileless Filipino.

“In order to make money,” declared the thrifty teacher.

“But what do I want with money?” persisted the brown brother.

“Why, when you get plenty of money you will be independent and will not have to work any more,” replied the teacher.

“I don’t have to work now,” said the native—­and the teacher gave it up in disgust.

FIRST COCKY (on horseback)—­“That cove ye’ve had wurrkin’ for yer arsked me fur a job this mornin’.  Was he a steady chap Ryan?”

SECOND COCKY—­“He was.  If he’d ha’ bin inny stiddier he’d ha’ bin motionless.”

“What sort of a chap is Bill to camp out with?”

“He’s one of those fellows who always takes down a mandolin about the time it’s up to somebody to get busy with the frying pan.”

A camera man who had ventured without permission to take some pictures on a farm for the educational department of a film company was met unexpectedly by the owner of the farm and hastened to explain his presence there.  “I’ve just been taking a few moving pictures of life on your farm,” he said.

“Have you?” the old farmer responded.  “And did you catch my hired man in motion?”

“Sure I did,” the man assured him.

“You did!” the farmer exclaimed.  Then he shook his head reflectively.  “Well, well,” he remarked, “science is a wonderful thing.”

LEAGUE OF NATIONS

“Why do you object to the League of Nations?”

“On musical grounds.  After singing ’My Country, ‘Tis of Thee,’ all these years, I don’t want the mental effort of changing to ’Our Countries, Tis of Those.’”

FOR SALE—­“League of Nations.”  Several pages missing; binding gone in spots.  Damaged by fire and water.  Valuable historical document.  Author now unknown.  As is.

LEAP YEAR

A Modern Leap-Year Song

Ah, me! why should I marry me? 
Lovers are plenty, but fortunes are few
Why lose wages that carry me
Better by far than a husband could do? 
Fond youth, calmly I’m viewing you,
Steeling a heart that might flutter and throb: 
I’ve no thought of pursuing you;
Poverty’s stupid—­I’ll stick to my job.

LEFT HANDEDNESS

Pat, who was left-handed, was being sworn in as a witness in the West Side Court of Denver, Colo.

“Hold up your right hand,” said the judge.  Up went Pat’s left hand.

“Hold up your right hand,” commanded the judge, sternly.