—­Byron.

LABOR AND CAPITAL

“What’s the difference between capital and labor?”

“If I had to work and turn three-fourths of my wages over to you, that would be labor.”

“Yes?”

“On the other hand, if you had to work and turn three-fourths of your wages over to me, that would be capital.”

LABOR AND LABORING CLASSES

JOHN—­“You work hard.  How many hods of mortar have yuh carried up that ladder today?”

BILL—­“Hush, man.  I’m foolin’ the boss.  I’ve carried this same hodful up an’ down all day, and he thinks I’ve been workin’.”

  Said a teacher of much erudition,
  “I deplore the poor workman’s condition.” 
  When he learned what they earned,
  His profession he spurned,
  And became a high-paid mechanician.

“And how is your husband keeping?”

“’E ain’t keeping; ’e’s on strike, and I’m doing the keeping.”

BOSS—­“No; we have all the men we need.”

LABORER—­“Seems like you could take one more, the little bit of work
I’d do.”—­Judge.

FARMER—­“I’ll give you $5 a month and your board!”

APPLICANT—­“Aw, shucks!  What do you think I am, a college graduate?”

Wilson Barrett used to tell an amusing story against himself.  At a time when he had a lot of workmen redecorating his private residence, thinking to give them a treat, he asked if, after work one evening, they would like to have seats to go and see him play in “The Lights o’ London,” at the Princess’s Theater.

They said they didn’t mind if they did, and being given complimentary tickets, all went on a Saturday night to see their employer’s performance.

At the end of the week Barrett’s eye caught sight of this item against each workman’s name on the pay-sheet:  “Saturday night.  Four hours’ overtime at Princess’s Theater, eight shillings.”

LABOR-SAVING DEVICES

A New Orleans man tells of a visit he once made to a small, although important, place on the Caribbean coast of Colombia.

At that time, it appears, his knowledge of South America was limited, and he viewed the sights with a keener interest than he does today.  While he was waiting for the train in which he was to travel to Barranquilla, two peons went by with a wheelbarrow minus the wheel.  It was a contrivance with handles at both ends, and it required the services of two men to move it.

Turning to a steamer acquaintance, the American asked him if there were no real wheelbarrows in the place.

“Oh, no,” replied the Colombian; “we use these ingenious devices so that two men may do the work of one.”

LADIES

See Woman.

LANGUAGES