HEWITT—­“My wife is a cheerful sort of companion.”

JEWETT—­“How is that?”

HEWITT—­“I told her that I had taken out a twenty-year endowment on my life, and she said, that she hoped I wouldn’t mature before the policy did.”

Two insurance agents—­a Yankee and an Englishman—­were bragging about their rival methods.  The Britisher was holding forth on the system of prompt payment carried out by his people—­no trouble, no fuss, no attempt to wriggle out of settlement.

“If the man died tonight,” he continued, “his widow would receive her money by the first post tomorrow morning.”

“You don’t say?” drawled the Yankee.  “See here, now, you talk of prompt payment!  Waal, our office is on the third floor of a building forty-nine stories high.  One of our clients lived in that forty-ninth story, and he fell out of the window.  We handed him his check as he passed.”

A colored recruit said he intended to take out the full limit of Government insurance, $10,000.  On being told by a fellow soldier that he would be foolish to pay on so much when he was likely to be shot in the trenches, he replied:  “Huh!  I reckon I knows what I’s doin.’  You-all don’t s’pose Uncle Sam is gwine to put a $10,000 man in the first-line trenches, do you?”

See also Salesmen and salesmanship.

INTERVIEWS

A Boston business man has the following schedule of time for interviews hung over his desk: 

Book agents—­three seconds.

Unclassified bores—­thirty ditto.

Golf associates—­one hour.

Friends to make a touch (It takes time to explain why you are broke)—­five minutes.

People to pay bills—­no limit.

Employees wanting increase of salary—­one minute.

My wife—­never too busy.

Poor relations—­always out.

An answer to the query why some United States Employment Service examiners go mad might be found in the following questionnaire filled out by an applicant applying to the Service for employment: 

Q. Born?  A. Yes; once.

Q. Nativity?  A. Baptist.

Q. Married or single?  A. Have been both.

Q. Parents alive yet?  A. Not yet.

Q. Hair?  A. Thin.

Q. Voice?  A. Weak.

Q. Healthy?  A. Sometimes.

Q. Previous experience?  A. No.

Q. Where?  A. Different places.

Q. Business?  A. Rotten.

Q. Salary expected?  A. More.

Q. Drink?  A. Not in dry states.

Q. Why do you want job?  A. Wife won’t work any more.

INVESTMENTS

SMITH—­“I see stocks took a drop.”

JONES—­“Took a drop?  I should say they took the whole bottle.”

No one should have to coax you into any investment.  It either looks good to you or it doesn’t.  You either want it or you don’t.  But be sure you are influenced by facts alone.