“What is considered a good score on these links?”

“Well, sir,” replied the youthful caddie solemnly, “most of the gents tries to do it in as few strokes as they can, but it gin’r’lly takes some more.”

“Look, grandpaw, a new gowf ba’ I foond, lost on the links.”

“Are ye sure it was lost, Sandy?”

“Oo, ay; I saw the mannie an’ his caddy lookin’ for it.”

Reflections of a Class A Caddie

One swallow does not make a golfer—­it only helps. 
You may chip, you may wallop the ball if you will,
But the slash of the duffer will cling round it still. 
Look before you cheat. 
Every water hole has a silver lining—­ask the boat boy. 
To stymie is human; to lift up divine. 
Half a stroke is better than none. 
He laughs last who putts best. 
When in doubt, hole out.

Two golf fiends—­an Englishman and a Scot—­were playing a round together.  After the first hole the Englishman asked: 

“How many did you take?”

“Eight,” replied the Scot.

“Oh, I only took seven, so it’s my hole!” exclaimed the Englishman, triumphantly.

After the second hole the Englishman put the same question again.  But the Scot smiled knowingly.

“Na, na, ma man,” said he; “it’s ma turn tae ask first!”

GOSSIP

“They say—­”

“Who say?”

“Oh, all the people who don’t matter.”

“Germany’s attitude toward peace is ominous,” said General Laurin Lawson at a luncheon in Louisville.”

“Germany reminds me, in fact, of the new parlor-maid whose mistress said to her:” 

“‘And above all things, I expect you to be reticent.’”

“‘Yes, ma’am, certainly, of course, ma’am,’ said the new maid.”

“Then she leaned toward her mistress with shining eyes.”

“‘And what’s there to be reticent about, ma’am?’ she asked.”

“Now this is a secret and you mustn’t tell anybody.”

“Rest assured that I won’t tell that secret to anybody, dear.  I have no desire to figure as a female Rip Van Winkle.  That secret is at least three weeks old.”

Women talk among themselves about other people.  Men talk to other people about themselves.

  If you want to know a woman
    Who can play a game of tag
      With Truth until it’s spent beyond repair,
  Who can start a thousand rumors,
    Set ten thousand tongues a-wag
      Till there’s nothing left of Gospel in the air,
  Who can get you into trouble
    And your reputation smirch—­
      It’s Mrs. Grundy
      On a Sunday
  When she’s walking home from church.

  —­Katharine Eggleston Roberts.

“They tell me that woman is a gossip.  Do you think she is reliable?”

“I know that whatever she says goes.”

“It’s just an idle rumor.”