We like the gift when we the giver prize.—­Sheffield.

See also Christmas gifts.

GIRLS

Son has just begun to go to school, and has much to say about the new little girls he meets, but every few days it is a different girl that attracts him.  His mother said, “I’m afraid, son, that you are changeable.”

“’Tain’t me that changes, mom,” he answered; “it’s them, when you know them better.”

Girls we love for what they are; young men for what they promise to be.—­Goethe.

GOD

A little girl traveling in a sleeping-car with her parents greatly objected to being put in an upper berth.  She was assured that papa, mama, and God would watch over her.  She was settled in the berth at last and the passengers were quiet for the night, when a small voice piped: 

“Mama!”

“Yes, dear.”

“You there?”

“Yes, I’m here.  Now go to sleep.”

“Papa, you there?”

“Yes, I’m here.  Go to sleep like a good girl.”

This continued at intervals for some time until a fellow passenger lost patience and called: 

“We’re all here!  Your father and mother and brothers and sisters and uncles and aunts and first cousins.  All here.  Now go to sleep!”

There was a brief pause after this explosion.  Then the tiny voice piped up again, but very softly: 

“Mama!”

“Well?”

“Was that God?”

GOLF

FIRST NEWSBOY—­“Chimmie’s got a job as caddie for a golf club.  Is dere much money in dat?”

SECOND DITTO—­“De salary ain’t much, but dey makes a lot extra backin’ up fellers when dey lies about de scores dey made.”

An Irishman was suddenly struck by a golf-ball.

“Are you hurt?” asked the player.  “Why didn’t you get out of the way?”

“An’ why should I get out of the way?” asked Pat.  “I didn’t know there was any assassins round here.”

“But I called ‘fore,’” said the player, “and when I say ‘fore,’ that is a sign for you to get out of the way.”

“Oh, it is, is it?” said Pat.  “Well, thin, whin I say ‘foive,’ it is a sign that you are going to get hit on the nose.  ‘Foive.’”

“What do you think is the most difficult thing for a beginner to learn about golf?”

“To keep from talking about it all the time.”

The golfer who was employing him was playing very badly, and the caddie threw himself down on the grass at one point and watched him.  When the man had at last succeeded in getting his ball out of the bunker, he glanced toward the boy and remarked:  “You must be tired, lying down at this time of day.”

“I ain’t tired of carrying,” said the caddie, “but I certainly am tired of counting.”