“‘By gosh!’ he said, ‘I’ve struck a silver mine,’ and, straightening up, he felt something cold slide down his leg.  Another quarter lay at his feet.  He grasped the truth:  There was a hole in his pocket.”

GERMS

“You don’t seem to pay any attention to these germs.”

“I don’t talk about ’em any more than is necessary,” answered Doc Braney.  “I take all possible precautions and then try to ignore ’em.  The meanest thing about a germ is that if he can’t attack you anywhere else, he tries to get on your mind.”

Daddy was confined to the house with Spanish influenza, and mother was busy sterilizing the dishes which had come from the sick-room.

“Why do you do that?” asked four-year-old Donald.

“Because, dear, poor daddy has germs, and the germs get on the dishes, so then I boil them, and that kills all the horrid germs.”

Donald turned this over in his little mind for several minutes.  Then: 

“Mother, why don’t you boil daddy?”

“She is simply mad on the subject of germs, and sterilizes or filters everything in the house.”

“How does she get along with her family?”

“Oh, even her relations are strained.”

Mrs. Robinson was an extremely careful mother and had repeatedly cautioned her six-year-old daughter against handling any object that might contain germs.  One day the little girl came in and said: 

“Mother, I am never going to play with my puppy any more, because he has germs on him.”

“Oh, no!” replied her mother.  “There are no germs on your puppy.”

“Yes, there are,” insisted the child.  “I saw one hop.”—­Life.

GIFTS

When the captain of the fire department was about to resign, his men banded together and purchased an elaborate, embossed silver horn to present to him at a meeting in the town hall.  The fireman who was chosen to make the presentation practiced his speech for days beforehand.  The chief, who had been informed of what was to happen, also practiced his speech of acceptance.  They rehearsed together and were “letter perfect” when they mounted the platform in the town hall.  The throng which confronted them had, however, a disastrous effect.  Holding the horn at arm’s length, the fireman stalked across the platform and with a ghastly expression on his face, said: 

“Well, Bill, here’s your horn!”

The chief rose slowly to his feet and gasped:  “Hell!  Is that it?”

  Not what we give, but what we share,
  For the gift without the giver is bare.

  —­Lowell.

He gives twice who gives quickly.—­Syrus.

A gallant Tommy, having received from England an anonymous gift of socks, entered them at once, for he was about to undertake a heavy march.  He was soon prey to the most excruciating agony, and when, a mere cripple, he drew off his foot-gear at the end of a terrible day, he discovered inside the toe of the sock what had once been a piece of stiff writing-paper, now reduced to pulp, and on it appeared in bold, feminine hand the almost illegible benediction:  “God bless the wearer of this pair of socks!”—­Punch.