“I don’t know,” he answered, suspicious of some entangling conundrum.

“Does nobody know?” she asked, looking round the table.

They all professed ignorance.  “In that case,” she said, “I may as well serve prunes at Christmas and save money.”

FOOLS

“Did you really call this gentleman an old fool last night?” asked the judge.

The prisoner tried hard to collect his thoughts.

“Well, the more I look at him, the more likely it seems that I did,” he replied.

A fool must now and then be right by chance.—­Cowper.

  Fools, to talking ever prone,
  Are sure to make their follies known.

  —­Gay.

He explained it clearly to her:  “Wise men hesitate, you see.  None but fools will say they’re certain.”

“Are you sure of that?” said she.

“Yes,” he answered, “I am certain—­certain as can be of that”

Then he wondered just what she was laughing at.

Two Hebrews went in business together in a small town, and one went to New York to buy the goods, while the other stayed at home.  The one that stayed at home got the bills a few days after his partner was in New York.  The bills came as follows:  “24 doz. neckwear and 8 doz. ditto; 24 suits and 4 ditto; 18 pants and 12 ditto.”  This ditto part bothered the one at home and he telegraphed his brother to come home.  When his brother arrived he showed him the bills and said: 

“Vat do it mean you shall buy ditto for a closing (clothing) business?”

His brother said:  “I buy ditto?”

“Yes, here’s de bills.”

“Vell, dey stuck me in New York.”

So he returned to New York and found that ditto meant the same.  He came back home, and his brother meeting him at the depot said: 

“Vell, Abie, did you find out vat ditto is?”

And Abie said:  “Yes, I find out vat a ditto is—­I’m a d—­m fool and you’re a ditto.”

RAYMOND—­“What the deuce do you mean by telling Joan that I am a fool?”

GEORGE—­“Heavens!  I’m sorry—­was it a secret?”

Fools never understand people of wit.—­Vauvenargues.

LEA—­“I wonder if Professor Kidder meant anything by it?”

PERKINS—­“By what?”

LEA—­“He advertised a lecture on ‘Fools,’ and when I bought a ticket it was marked ‘Admit one.’”

FORDS

“So you bought one of those automobiles they tell so many funny stories about?”

“Yes,” replied Mr. Chuggins.  “And it is saving me a lot of trouble and wear and tear.  When your friends tell you jokes about your car they don’t expect you to ask them to ride in it.”

If—­With Apologies to Kipling