“No,” said Blathers, “I can’t do that; but suppose you give me five hundred dollars and keep the car, eh?  Clean saving of a thousand, eh?  What?”

The present financial situation gives the lie to the old adage that Exchange is no robbery.

The man who had made a huge fortune was speaking a few words to a number of students at a business class.  Of course, the main theme of his address was himself.

“All my success in life, all my tremendous financial prestige,” he said proudly, “I owe to one thing alone—­pluck, pluck, pluck!”

He made an impressive pause here but the effect was ruined by one student, who asked impressively: 

“Yes, sir; but how are we to find the right people to pluck?”

A young New Haven man, returning home from a health trip to Colorado, told his father about buying a silver mine for $3,000.  “I knew they’d rope you in!” exclaimed the old man.  “So you were ass enough to buy a humbug mine.”

“Yes, but I didn’t lose anything.  I formed a company, and sold half the stock to a Connecticut man for $7,000.”

“Y-you did,” gasped the old man as he turned white, “I’ll bet I’m the one who bought it.”

“I know you are,” coolly observed the young man as he crossed his legs and tried to appear very much at home.

FISH

The teacher asked, “Who can tell me what an oyster is?”

A small hand, gesticulating violently, shot up into the air, and a shrill voice called out.  “I know; I can tell, teacher!”

“Well, Bobby,” said the teacher, “you may tell us what an oyster is.”

“An oyster,” triumphantly answered Bobby, “is a fish built like a nut!”

“Dinah, did you wash the fish before you baked it?”

“Law, ma’am, what’s de use ob washin’ er fish what’s lived all his life in de water?”

“Ma’am, here’s a man at the door with a parcel for you.”

“What is it, Bridget?”

“It’s a fish, ma’am, and it’s marked C.O.D.”

“Then make the man take it back to the dealer.  I ordered trout.”

FISHERMEN

“I say, Gadsby,” said Mr. Smith, as he entered a fishmonger’s with a lot of tackle in his hand, “I want you to give me some fish to take home with me.  Put them up to look as if they’d been caught today, will you?”

“Certainly, sir.  How many?”

“Oh, you’d better give me three or four—­mackerel.  Make it look decent in quantity without appearing to exaggerate, you know.”

“Yes, sir.  You’d better take salmon, tho.”

“Why?  What makes you think so?”

“Oh, nothing, except that your wife was here early this morning and said if you dropped in with your fishing-tackle I was to persuade you to take salmon, if possible, as she liked that kind better than any other.”

BELLEVILLE—­“Is Glenshaw getting ready for the fishing season?”