“Oh, no, George,” she said, “you’ll be sending me some letters.”

FIGHTING

“Brudder Perkins, yo’ been fightin’, I heah,” said the colored minister.

“Yaas, Ah wuz.”

“Doan yo’ ’membeh whut de good book sez ‘bout turnin’ de odder cheek?”

“Yaas, pahson, but he hit me on mah nose, an’ I’se only got one.”

“Why do you look so sorrowful, Dennis?” asked one man of another.

“I just hear-r-d wan man call another man a liar, and the man that was called a liar said the other man would have to apologize, or there would be a fight.”

“And why should that make you so sad?”

“The other man apologized.”

“Johnny, it was very wrong for you and the boy next door to fight.”

“We couldn’t help it, father.”

“Could you not have settled your differences by a peaceful discussion of the matter, calling in the assistance of unprejudiced opinion, if need be?”

“No, father.  He was sure he could whip me and I was sure I could whip him, and there was only one way to find out.”

“So you’ve been fighting again!  Didn’t you stop and spell your names, as I told you?”

“Y-yes; we did—­but my name’s Algernon Percival, an’ his is Jim!”—­Judge.

FINANCE

“Dad,” said little Reginald, “what is a bucket-shop?”

“A bucket-shop, my son,” said the father, feelingly, “a bucket-shop is a modern cooperage establishment to which a man takes a barrel and brings back the bung-hole.”—­Puck.

“Dad,” said the financier’s son, running into his father’s office, “lend me six hundred.”

“What for, my boy?”

“I’ve got a sure tip on the market.”

“How much shall we make out of it?” asked the old man cautiously.

“A couple of hundred sure,” replied the boy eagerly.  “That’s a hundred each.”

“Here’s your hundred,” said his father.  “Let’s consider that we have made this deal and that it has succeeded.  You make a hundred dollars and I save five hundred.”

Higher Authority

“Mr. Brown is outside,” said the new office-boy.  “Shall I show him in?”.

“Not on your life!” exclaimed the junior partner.  “I owe him ten dollars.”

“Show him in,” calmly said the senior member of the firm.  “He owes me twenty-five.”

BUSINESS MAN (explaining)—­“When they say ‘money is easy,’ they mean simply that the supply is greater than the demand.”

HIS WIFE—­“Goodness!  I shouldn’t think such a thing possible.”

SMITHSON—­“Do you know that Noah was the greatest financier that ever lived?”

DIBBS—­“How do you make that out?”

SMITHSON—­“Well, he was able to float a company when the whole world was in liquidation.”

“This car cost me thirty-five hundred dollars, Blathers, but I’ll let you have it for two thousand, eh?  It’s a clean gift of fifteen hundred,” said Bolivar.  “Eh, what do you say?”