An Employer’s Dream

An Employee,
Dynamic, but not variable. 
Tall—­of excellent personality. 
Aggressive—­but tactful. 
Sales type—­but with a liking for detail. 
Vision—­looking ahead and discounting the future. 
Loyal—­always having the interest of his employer at heart. 
Creative—­but appreciating values—­initiative balanced with
caution,
forseeing his employer’s wishes and ideas. 
Serious thinker—­sunny disposition, looking ahead but mastering
first the work on hand. 
Interested in his salary—­only as incidental—­willing to leave
that to the discretion of those above him. 
Character—­excellent, not a clock watcher—­interested only in
results, working night and day if necessary to secure his success. 
Honest—­clear thinking—­hard-working—­looking ahead
fearlessly—­with
his eyes on the future, putting everything else second to his
work—­with supreme, sound confidence in his own ability—­
Ah!  Shucks—­It’s Impossible.

EMPLOYER (to clerk)—­“If that bore, Smithers, comes in, tell him I’m out—­and don’t be working or he’ll know you’re lying.”

The Ten Commandments (By A Wise Employer)

First—­Don’t lie.  It wastes my time and yours.  I am sure to catch you in the end, and that will be the wrong end.

Second—­Watch your work, not the clock.  A long day’s work makes a long day short, and a short day’s work makes my face long.

Third—­Give me more than I expect, and I will give you more than you expect.  I can afford to increase your pay if you increase my profits.

Fourth—­You owe so much to yourself you cannot afford to owe anybody else.  Keep out of debt.

Fifth—­Dishonesty is never an accident.  Good men, like good women, never see temptation when they meet it.

Sixth—­Mind your own business, and in time you’ll have a business of your own to mind.

Seventh—­Don’t do anything here which hurts your self-respect.  An employee who is willing to steal for me is willing to steal from me.

Eighth—­It is none of my business what you do at night.  But if dissipation affects what you do the next day, and you do half as much as I demand, you’ll last half as long as you hoped.

Ninth—­Don’t tell me what I’ll like to hear, but what I ought to hear.  I don’t want a valet for my pride, but one for my purse.

Tenth—­Don’t kick if I kick.  If you’re worth while correcting, you’re worth while keeping.  I don’t waste time cutting specks out of rotten apples.

—­The Rotarian.

One of the bosses at Baldwin’s Locomotive Works had to lay off an argumentative Irishman named Pat, so he saved discussion by putting the discharge in writing.  The next day Pat was missing, but a week later the boss was passing through the shop and he saw him again at his lathe.  Then, the following colloquy occurred: