Though my heart is beating fast,
    Oh, tell me that you too are ready
      To make this hour your last. 
  For repentance may come when we’re sober,
    Let’s seize on the chance while we may;
  Then why should we wait till October? 
    Oh!  Why not be shot to-day? 
    Oh! tell me why, why should I remember
      With a thought of wild alarm,
    That all through the month of sweet September
      You should be free from harm. 
    Why, why does your beauty enslave me,
      As it does, you’re bound to allow
    Oh! say but the word that will save me,
      And tell me to shoot you now. 
    For my heart is wildly beating
      (As it’s often done before),
    And the moments madly fleeting
      Are going to come never more. 
  For repentance may come when we’re sober,
    Let’s seize on the chance while we may,
  Then why should we wait till October? 
    Oh!  Why not be shot to-day?

* * * * *

“THE GRATUITOUS OPINION.”

(A STORY FOR THE LONG VACATION.)

The Eminent Lawyer was about to return to his private address, when there was a knock at the door of his Chambers.  He attended to the summons himself, and found facing him an elderly and carefully dressed individual.

“That some of my suburban neighbours desire the information, must be my excuse for troubling you,” said the visitor.

“Nay, do not apologise,” returned the Eminent Q.C., “it is my pleasantest duty to give legal tips or applications to anybody.  It is not altogether lucrative, as I deliver them for nothing, but then on the other hand, they are suitable for insertion in the papers, and that is a comforting consideration.  What can I do for you?”

[Illustration]

“I have to ask you on behalf of my suburban neighbours,” continued the visitor, “whether there is any principle which is accepted by Judges to regulate their decisions in cases where drunkenness seems to be the incentive of crime?”

“I shall only be too glad to find a solution to a problem which appears one of great difficulty—­the more especially as certain inhabitants of the suburbs are so deeply interested in the subject.  It seems to me that some Judges think one way and some another.”

“That is strange,” murmured the visitor.  “Cannot their Lordships come to a common conclusion?”

“I fear not,” replied the Eminent Counsel, with a mournful smile.  “It is merely a question of opinion.  However, I take it that one would be perfectly safe to commit a murder under the influence of delirium tremens.”

“I am infinitely obliged to you for the information,” said the visitor, “as now I know what to do.”

“You are not homicidal, I trust!” exclaimed the Lawyer, jumping up from his chair, and taking protection behind a desk.  “I have the greatest possible objection to homicidal clients.”