Better have loved despair, & safer kissed her.

No time or space can tear from my soul that which makes a part of it.  Since my arrival here I have not for a moment ceased to feel the hell of passion which has been implanted in me to burn untill all be cold, and stiff, and dead.  Yet I will not die; alas! how dare I go where I may meet Diana, when I have disobeyed her last request; her last words said in a faint voice when all feeling but love, which survives all things else was already dead, she then bade me make her child happy:  that thought alone gives a double sting to death.  I will wander away from you, away from all life—­in the solitude I shall seek I alone shall breathe of human kind.  I must endure life; and as it is my duty so I shall untill the grave dreaded yet desired, receive me free from pain:  for while I feel it will be pain that must make up the whole sum of my sensations.  Is not this a fearful curse that I labour under?  Do I not look forward to a miserable future?  My child, if after this life I am permitted to see you again, if pain can purify the heart, mine will be pure:  if remorse may expiate guilt, I shall be guiltless.

* * * * *

["]I have been at the door of your chamber:  every thing is silent.  You sleep.  Do you indeed sleep, Mathilda?  Spirits of Good, behold the tears of my earnest prayer!  Bless my child!  Protect her from the selfish among her fellow creatures:  protect her from the agonies of passion, and the despair of disappointment!  Peace, Hope and Love be thy guardians, oh, thou soul of my soul:  thou in whom I breathe!

* * * * *

["]I dare not read my letter over for I have no time to write another, and yet I fear that some expressions in it might displease me.  Since I last saw you I have been constantly employed in writing letters, and have several more to write; for I do not intend that any one shall hear of me after I depart.  I need not conjure you to look upon me as one of whom all links that once existed between us are broken.  Your own delicacy will not allow you, I am convinced, to attempt to trace me.  It is far better for your peace that you should be ignorant of my destination.  You will not follow me, for when I bannish myself would you nourish guilt by obtruding yourself upon me?  You will not do this, I know you will not.  You must forget me and all the evil that I have taught you.  Cast off the only gift that I have bestowed upon you, your grief, and rise from under my blighting influence as no flower so sweet ever did rise from beneath so much evil.

“You will never hear from me again:  receive these then as the last words of mine that will ever reach you; and although I have forfeited your filial love, yet regard them I conjure you as a father’s command.  Resolutely shake of[f] the wretchedness that this first misfortune in early life must occasion you.  Bear boldly up against the storm:  continue wise and mild, but believe it, and indeed it is, your duty to be happy.  You are very young; let not this check for more than a moment retard your glorious course; hold on, beloved one.  The sun of youth is not set for you; it will restore vigour and life to you; do not resist with obstinate grief its beneficent influence, oh, my child! bless me with the hope that I have not utterly destroyed you.