to go forward or to acknowledge himself baffled and
beaten. This he was not willing to do, and so
he had gone on and on, until one day, some six months
ago, he had asked himself what it all led to? why
he had laboured so hard for years over such things?
whether the old free life and ready enjoyment were
not better than this midnight prowling among other
people’s thoughts, which, whatever they might
have been when spoken, never seemed quite clear on
paper? Or would it not be better to leave the
whole thing and go back to his Northern home?
He might find plenty of adventure there, and breathe
in fresh youth and vitality in the cold bright life
of the Norwegian fisheries or of some outlying Swedish
farm. And yet he could not make up his mind to
move, or to acknowledge that he had laboured in vain.
It was in vain, though, he said, as he looked out at
the flowing river. Had he gained a single advantage
either for his thoughts or his deeds by all his study
of philosophy? In his weariness he said to himself
that he had not; that he had been far better able to
deal with questions of life, so long as he had only
handled the exact sciences, than he was now, through
all this uncertain saturation of foggy visions and
contradictory speculations. Questions of life—but
did questions of life ever arise for him? He
had reduced it all to its simplest expression.
His little store of money was safely invested, and
he drew the income four times a year. He possessed
no goods or chattels not stowed away in his garret
chamber. He owed no man anything; he was not
even a regular professor, tied to his University by
a fixed engagement. In a word, he was perfectly
free and untrammelled. To what end? He worked
on from force of habit; but work had long ceased to
amuse him. When had he laughed last? Probably
not since his trip on foot to the Bavarian Highlands,
where he had met a witty journalist from Berlin, with
whom he had walked for a couple of days.
This evening he was more weary than usual. He
almost thought he would go away if he could think
of any place to go to where life might be more interesting.
He had no relations excepting an uncle, who had emigrated
to America when Claudius was a baby, and who wrote
twice a year, with that regular determination to keep
up his family ties which characterises the true Northman.
To this uncle he also wrote regularly at stated intervals,
telling of his quiet student-life. He knew that
this solitary relation was in business in New York,
and he inferred from the regular offers of assistance
which came in every letter that he was in good circumstances,—but
that was all. This evening he fell to thinking
about him. The firm was “Barker and Lindstrand,”
he remembered. He wondered what Mr. Barker was
like. By the by it would soon be midsummer, and
he might expect the half-yearly letter at any time.
Not that it would interest him in the least when it
came, but yet he liked to feel that he was not utterly
alone in the world. There was the postman coming
down the street in his leisurely, old-fashioned way,
chatting with the host at the corner and with the tinman
two doors off, and then—yes, he was stopping
at Dr. Claudius’s door.