The Spectacled Gentleman (letting the Assistant out of the pillory, with the air of a man who does not often unbend to these frivolities).  Now, Gentlemen, I am sure all those whom I see around me have heard of those marvellous beings—­the Mahatmas—­and how they can travel through space in astral bodies, and produce matter out of nothing at all. (Here the group endeavour to look as if these facts were familiar to them from infancy, while the Comic Coachman assumes the intelligent interest of a Pantomime Clown in the price of a property fish.) Very well; but perhaps some of you may not be aware that at this very moment the air all around you is full of ghosts.

The Comic Coachman (affecting extreme terror).  ’Ere, let me get out o’ this!  Where’s my friend?

The Sp.  G. I am only telling you the simple truth.  There is, floating above the head of each one of you, the ghostly counterpart of himself; and the ghost of anybody who is smoking will be smoking also the ghost of a cigar or a pipe.

The C.C. (to his attendant Phantom).  ’Ere, ‘and me down one o’ your smokes to try, will yer?

The Sp.  G. You laugh—­but I am no believer in making statements without proof to support them, and I shall now proceed to offer you convincing evidence that what I say is true. (Movement of startled incredulity in group.) I have here two ordinary clean clay pipes. (Producing them.) Now, Sir, (to the C.C.) will you oblige me by putting your finger in the bowls to test whether there is any tobacco there or not?

The C.C. Not me.  None o’ those games for me!  Where’s my friend?—­it’s more in ’is line!

    [The Friend, however, remains modestly in the background,
    and, after a little hesitation, a more courageous spirit tests
    the bowls, and pronounces them empty.

The Sp.  G. Very well, I will now smoke the spirit-tobacco in these empty pipes. (He puts them both in his mouth, and emits a quantity of unmistakable smoke.) Now, in case you should imagine this is a deception, and I produce the smoke from my throat in some manner, will you kindly try my esoteric tobacco, Sir? (To a bystander, who, not without obvious misgivings, takes a few whiffs and produces smoke, as well as a marked impression upon the most sceptical spectators.) Having thus proved to you the existence of a Spirit World, allow me to inform you that this is nothing to the marvels to be seen inside for the small sum of twopence, where I shall have the honour of introducing to you Mlle. SCINTILLA, who is not only the most extraordinary Scientific Wonder of the World, but also the loveliest woman now living!

The C.C. ‘Ere, I’m comin’ in, I am.  I’m on to this.  Where’s my friend? he’ll pay for me.  He promised to take care o’ me, and I can’t trust myself anywhere without ’im.