very patient with the Ladies who will speak to him in so-called French or German, when they say, “Ou est le Portier?” or “Es ist sehr schoen heute,” he replies, in the genuine tongue.  I once overheard a lady discussing the chances of rest and quiet in the “Grand Hotel.” “Oui c’est une grande reste.” said she.  It only puzzled “Mr.” for a moment. “Parfaitement, Madame; c’est ravissant, n’est-ce pas?” and then “Mr.” sold her the little Hand-book, composed by the Clergyman, on which he receives a commission.

* * * * *

NEED I SAY MORE?

  I loved—­and need I say she was a woman? 
    And need I say I thought her just divine? 
  Her beauty (like this rhyme) was quite uncommon. 
    Alas, she said she never could be mine!

  My Uncle was a Baronet, and wealthy,
    But old, ill-tempered, deaf, and plagued with gout;
  I was his heir, a pauper young and healthy;
    My Uncle—­need I say?—­had cut me out.

  I swore—­and need I say the words I muttered? 
    Sir HECTOR married KATE, and changed his will. 
  Dry bread for me!  For her the tea-cake buttered. 
    I starved—­and, need I say, I’m starving still!

* * * * *

“A CARPET KNIGHT”—­Sir BLUNDELL MAPLE.  Likewise that Sir B.M. is “a Knight of the Round Table.” [N.B.  Great rush to let off these.  Contribution-Box joke-full of ’em.  Impossible, therefore, to decide “who spoke first.”  Reward of Merit still in hand.]

* * * * *

SUGGESTION.—­The Music-and-Hartland Committee will permit the performance of brief “Sketches” in the Music Halls.  Wouldn’t “Harmonies” by our own WHISTLER be more appropriate?

* * * * *

[Illustration:  AN EARNEST POLITICIAN.

“I’M VERY GLAD SIR PERCY PLANTAGENET WAS RETURNED, MISS!”

“WHY,—­ARE YOU A PRIMROSE DAME?”

“NO, MISS,—­BUT MY ’USBAND IS!”]

* * * * *

TIP TO TAX-COLLECTORS.

(AFTER HERRICK’S “COUNSEL TO GIRLS.")

A SONG OF THE EXCHEQUER.

Air—­“Gather ye rose-buds while ye may.”

  Gather ye Taxes while ye may,
    The time is fleetly flying;
  And tenants who’d stump up to-day,
    To-morrow may be shying.

  That annual “Lump,” the Income Tax,
    Still higher aye seems getting;
  The sooner that for it you “ax,”
    The nearer you’ll be netting.

  That payer’s best who payeth first
    The Exchequer’s pert purse-stormer: 
  As the year wags still worse and worst
    Times, still succeed the former.

  Then be not lax, but keep your time,
    And dun, and press, and harry;
  Tax-payers shirk, nor deem it crime,
    If long Collectors tarry.

* * * * *