“Thort is the gratest thing that has ever been thort of.  I don’t know of eny thing bigger than thort that I have thort of, less twas riginalty, an reely thats thort.  When I’m busy thinkin’ thorts I aint apt ter have my mind on eny thing else mostly.  Most of the books what I have read I think was writ without enough thort.  Take the almanic; if Id writ the almanic whare they say, ‘bout this time expect rain,’ Id a said, bout this time expect weather.  Id a put some thort on the matter and Id a knowd that yed natraly have weather er some kind, cause theres allus weather round about these parts, but most folks havent no power ter have thort, an thats why theres so few folks that is great.  I mean ter spend my time in thort an’ casionally do a little ploughing.  I thort so continooal that I had ter leave school in order ter git time ter think in, so havin learnt all there was ter learn, I left school ter the fellers as thort so little that they didn’t need much time fer it an now I shall put on paper such thort as most folks can tackle, but some er my thort is so thortful that most any body couldn’t understand it, an so no more until Ive thort again.

    “Yours thortfully
    TIMOTHEUS SIMPKINS.”

“Poor Timotheus,” said Helen Dayton.

“And why ’poor Timotheus’?” asked Professor Marden.  “With his stock of egotism, I think the fellow must be happier than the average man.  I know of no one who considers himself the only thinker in the universe, except this young Simpkins.  He must, indeed, be supremely happy.”

“And the joke is,” said Jotham, “that he received a small sum for the article, and a personal letter from the editor.  The money, (I believe it was the immense sum of two dollars,) pleased Timotheus, but the letter puzzled him extremely.  He considered the article to be a serious, as well as a lofty effort, whereas the editor evidently supposed it to be humorous, and believed the unique spelling to be a part of the fun.  Timotheus told my father that ’the money showed that his “literatoor” was wuth something but that the editor man must be dull ter think that it was anything but a tremenjous hefty comp’sition.’

“Old Mr. Simpkins considers Timotheus a prodigy, and seems to feel contempt for his elder son, Joel, who as he expressed it, ’ain’t intellectooal like Timotheus,’ and Joel usually retaliates by saying, ’It’s lucky one son er the Simpkins family has got jest plain common sense.’

“The paper is not published in our town,” continued Jotham, “it is a county paper, and its editor and publisher lives in a distant village, so that, unacquainted with the Simpkins family, he supposed Timotheus to be a would-be humorist, little dreaming that he was offending a genius, by seeing fun where fun was not intended.”

“Timotheus, however, had the joy of feeling that his literary work had a market value,” said Professor Marden, with a laugh.