“It isn’t the danger,” he protested. “It isn’t that I’m getting away from. To hell with the danger! It’s just the plain discomfort of it! It’s the never being your own master, never being clean, never being warm.” Again he shivered and rubbed one hand against the other. “There were no bridges over the streams,” he went on, “and we had to break the ice and wade in, and then sleep in the open with the khaki frozen to us. There was no firewood; not enough to warm a pot of tea. There were no wounded; all our casualties were frost bite and pneumonia. When we take them out of the blankets their toes fall off. We’ve been in camp for a month now near Doiran, and it’s worse there than on the march. It’s a frozen swamp. You can’t sleep for the cold; can’t eat; the only ration we get is bully beef, and our insides are frozen so damn tight we can’t digest it. The cold gets into your blood, gets into your brains. It won’t let you think; or else, you think crazy things. It makes you afraid.” He shook himself like a man coming out of a bad dream.
“So, I’m through,” he said. In turn he scowled at each of us, as though defying us to contradict him. “That’s why I’m quitting,” he added. “Because I’ve done my bit. Because I’m damn well fed up on it.” He kicked viciously at the water-logged uniform on the floor. “Any one who wants my job can have it!” He walked to the window, turned his back on us, and fixed his eyes hungrily on the Adriaticus. There was a long pause. For guidance we looked at John, but he was staring down at the desk blotter, scratching on it marks that he did not see.
Finally, where angels feared to tread, the Kid rushed in. “That’s certainly a hard luck story,” he said; “but,” he added cheerfully, “it’s nothing to the hard luck you’ll strike when you can’t tell why you left the army.” Hamlin turned with an exclamation, but Billy held up his hand. “Now wait,” he begged, “we haven’t time to get mussy. At six o’clock your leave is up, and the troop train starts back to camp, and——”
Mr. Hamlin interrupted sharply. “And the Adriaticus starts at five.”
Billy did not heed him. “You’ve got two hours to change your mind,” he said. “That’s better than being sorry you didn’t the rest of your life.”
Mr. Hamlin threw back his head and laughed. It was a most unpleasant laugh. “You’re a fine body of men,” he jeered. “America must be proud of you!”
“If we weren’t Americans,” explained Billy patiently, “we wouldn’t give a damn whether you deserted or not. You’re drowning and you don’t know it, and we’re throwing you a rope. Try to see it that way. We’ll cut out the fact that you took an oath, and that you’re breaking it. That’s up to you. We’ll get down to results. When you reach home, if you can’t tell why you left the army, the folks will darned soon guess. And that will queer everything you’ve done. When you come to sell your stuff, it will queer you with the editors, queer you with the publishers. If they know you broke your word to the British army, how can they know you’re keeping faith with them? How can they believe anything you tell them? Every ‘story’ you write, every statement of yours will make a noise like a fake. You won’t come into court with clean hands. You’ll be licked before you start.