Maybe, too, I have been very willing for the quarrel to proceed, because he will persist in his collusion with that mystery-man, Freedham.

Archibald Pennybet is the same as ever, unless, perhaps, his eyelids are drooping a little more in satisfaction with himself, and his nostrils becoming more sensitive to the inferiority of everybody else.

In a rash moment, one half-holiday, Penny and I made use of the privilege, to which we became entitled when we completed two years at Kensingtowe, of strolling across to the Preparatory School and organising a cricket match between some of the younger “Sucker-boys.”  Not being allowed to go down to the town, we thought there might be fun in playing the heavy autocrat at the “Nursery.”

“We’ll make these beastly little maggots sit up, unless they play properly,” said Penny.  “There shall be no fooling when we umpire.”

The Suckers received us with gratifying awe.  One of them in a moment of forgetfulness called Pennybet “sir.”  He accepted it without remark, as his due.

For half-an-hour we did well.  Six balls went to every “over,” no more and no less.  Our decisions, when we were appealed to, were given promptly and decisively.  But the boys were so small, and the play was so bad, that the novelty soon wore off.  Our feeling of importance died away, when we realised we were umpiring in a match where the stumps were kept in position by the bails, and there was no one who could bowl a straight ball, or anyone who could hit it, if he did.  The wicket-keeper, also, gave Penny much trouble; and sulked because he had been forbidden to stop the swift bowler’s deliveries by holding a coat in front of him and allowing the ball to become entangled in its folds.  My fellow-umpire had occasion to speak very seriously to him.  “Really,” he said, “you’re a stench in my nostrils.  Mr. Ray, who’s kindly umpiring for you at the other end, never gave me half the cheek you do, when he was a kid.”  For a second the little boy wondered if he had made a mistake and Penny was really a master.

Having given eight balls to an over, I got bored and retired to my position at square-leg, displeased with the condition on which our privilege was granted that, having organised a game, we were to remain at our posts to the end.  Someone awoke Penny, who walked with a yawn to the bowler’s wicket, and, graciously putting into his mouth a huge green fruit-ball, offered by one of the more minute players, said with this obstruction on his tongue: 

“Plo-ay.”

When the twenty-eighth ball of that over had been bowled, I went across to Penny, presented my compliments, and intimated that six balls constituted an over.  In a reply of some length he showed that he had a sucked fruit-ball in his mouth, which he must of necessity finish before he called “over,” as the word required a certain rounding of the lips, and the confectionery might shoot out of his mouth at the effort.  An impertinent little junior echoed my criticism.