Hindenburg (after a pause). Your Royal Highness will, perhaps, forgive me if I draw your gracious attention to the fact that I have much work to do and but little time to do it in.

The Prince. Of course, my dear Marshal, of course.  They’re making things warm for you, aren’t they, in the direction of Arras?  I was saying to myself only this morning, “How annoying for that poor old HINDENBURG to have his masterly retreat interrupted by those atrocious English, and to lose thirteen thousand prisoners and one hundred-and-sixty guns, and I don’t know how many killed and wounded.  Where’s his wall of steel now, poor old fellow, and his patent plan for luring the enemy on?” That’s what I said to myself, and now that we have met I feel that I must offer you my condolences.  I know what it is, though of course it wasn’t my fault that we failed to bring it off against the French at Verdun.  Heigho!  I’m really beginning to believe that I shall never see Paris.

Hindenburg. !!! !!! !!!

The Prince. You needn’t look so stuffy, dear old thing.  I’m going.  But remember I shall be your Emperor some day; and then what shall I do with you?  I know; I shall have you taught French.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  DYNASTIC AMENITIES.

LITTLE WILLIE (of Prussia).  “AS ONE CROWN PRINCE TO ANOTHER, ISN’T YOUR
HINDENBURG LINE GETTING A BIT SHAKY?”

RUPPRECHT (of Bavaria).  “WELL, AS ONE CROWN PRINCE TO ANOTHER, WHAT ABOUT
YOUR HOHENZOLLERN LINE?”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Sergeant. “PUT YOUR THUMBS DOWN BEHIND THE SEAMS OF YOUR TROUSERS, NUMBER SIX!  WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK THE SEAMS OF YOUR TROUSERS ARE PUT THERE FOR?”]

* * * * *

CAUTIONARY TALES FOR THE ARMY.

I.

    Sergt.-Instructor George Bellairs, who imagined himself to be a master
    of strong language.

  Sergt.-Instructor George Bellairs
  Prided himself on dreadful swears,
  And half the night and all the day
  He thought of frightful things to say. 
  On his recruits in serried squad
  He’d work them off; he said, “You clod!”
  “You put!” “You closhy put!” (a curse he
  Got from The Everlasting Mercy,
  Which shows one can’t take care enough,
  Not knowing who may read one’s stuff). 
  With joy he saw his victims quiver,
  With wicked joy beheld them shiver. 
  Six stretchers in attendance waited
  To carry off the men he slated.