Water of Dill
          Is good to distil
  When babies are fractious and witches do ill. 
          But why should we waste
          What gives such a taste
  To Summer-time salads that with it are graced? 
          Old witch, work your will! 
          Sweet babe, take a pill! 
  And I’ll eat my salad well flavoured with Dill.

* * * * *

Short Service.

    “Under Housemaid wanted, for 25 minutes London.”—­The Times.

* * * * *

Another Impending Apology.

    “To-morrow week ... the Canadian regimental doctors will be deposited
    for safe keeping in Bristol Cathedral.”—­Bristol Times and Mirror.

* * * * *

The Art of Bathos.

    “Mr. Justice LOW has proved himself one of the ablest and most
    expeditious of our judges.  He was one of three judges who decided, in
    May, 1915, that a winkle is a fish.”—­Daily Graphic.

* * * * *

    “London, 30th Jan.—­The Fool Controller states that....”—­Indian
    Paper.

We had not heard of the appointment of this Minister.  But it has been made none too soon.

* * * * *

From a recent University examination paper:—­

    “Three persons have four coats, five vests and six hats between them. 
    In how many different ways can they dress themselves with them?”

A problem for the coming Clothes Controller.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  “FASTER?  NO, I AIN’T GOIN’ NO FASTER, YOUNG ’IGH VELOCITY.  I AIN’T GOT BUT TWO SPEEDS, SLOW AND STOP.”]

* * * * *

THE FOOD OF LOVE.

A LYRIC OF MEATLESS DAYS.

  Eat to me only with thine eyes
    And I will munch with mine;
  Or let my lips but brush thy locks
    And I shall seem to dine;
  The hollow ’neath my belt that lies
    For flesh of beeves doth pine;
  Yet, might I wolf a roasted ox,
    I would, of course, decline.

  I sent thee once a juicy steak
    To prove thy troth and see
  If in that stern ordeal’s test
    Stedfast thou still wouldst be;
  And thou thereof one sniff didst take
    And post it back to me,
  Since when I wear it next my chest,
    Potted, for love of thee.

O.S.

* * * * *

A NATIONAL SKY-SCRAPER.

I have been often asked why the Government, foreseeing the inevitable increase of Departments, had not the elementary imagination to build a colossal sky-scraper to accommodate them all.

The objections to such an act of apparently obvious intelligence may be briefly enumerated.