THE TRICKS OF THE FAIRY CALLED PATCH

“About midnight do I walk, and for the tricks I play they call me Patch.  When I find a slut asleep, I smutch her face if it be clean; but if it be dirty, I wash it in the next piss pot that I can find:  the balls I use to wash such sluts withal is a sow’s pancake or a pilgrim’s salve.  Those that I find with their heads nitty and scabby, for want of combing, I am their barbers, and cut their hair as close as an ape’s tail; or else clap so much pitch on it, that they must cut it off themselves to their great shame.  Slovens also that neglect their masters’ business, they do not escape.  Some I find that spoil their masters’ horses for want of currying:  those I do daub with grease and soot, that they are fain to curry themselves ere they can get clean.  Others that for laziness will give the poor beasts no meat, I oftentimes so punish them with blows, that they cannot feed themselves they are so sore.

  Thus many tricks I Patch can do,
  But to the good I ne’er was foe: 
  The bad I hate and will do ever,
  Till they from ill themselves do sever. 
  To help the good I’ll run and go,
  The bad no good from me shall know.”

THE TRICKS OF THE FAIRY CALLED GULL

“When mortals keep their beds I walk abroad, and for my pranks am called by the name of Gull.  I with a feigned voice do often deceive many men, to their great amazement.  Many times I get on men and women, and so lie on their stomachs, that I cause there great pain, for which they call me by the name of Hag, or Nightmare.  ’Tis I that do steal children, and in the place of them leave changelings.  Sometimes I also steal milk and cream, and then with my brothers, Patch, Pinch, and Grim, and sisters Sib, Tib, Lick, and Lull, I feast with my stolen goods:  our little piper hath his share in all our spoils, but he nor our women fairies do ever put themselves in danger to do any great exploit.

  What Gull can do, I have you shown;
  I am inferior unto none. 
  Command me, Robin, thou shalt know,
  That I for thee will ride or go: 
  I can do greater things than these
  Upon the land, and on the seas.”

THE TRICKS OF THE FAIRY CALLED GRIM

“I walk with the owl, and make many to cry as loud as she doth hollo.  Sometimes I do affright many simple people, for which some have termed me the Black Dog of Newgate.  At the meetings of young men and maids I many times am, and when they are in the midst of all their good cheer, I come in, in some fearful shape, and affright them, and then carry away their good cheer, and eat it with my fellow fairies.  ’Tis I that do, like a screech-owl cry at sick men’s windows, which makes the hearers so fearful, that they say, that the sick person cannot live.  Many other ways have I to fright the simple, but the understanding man I cannot move to fear, because he knows I have no power to do hurt.