He had the authority of TOBY, M.P., to say that, as far as his freedom of action is concerned—­and Mr. Punch thanked Heaven this is still free England—­(loud cheers)—­that prognostication would never be realised.  The highest honour ever done to his friend, was the selection of him by the men of Barks to represent them in the Commons House of Parliament. (Renewed cheering.) His fullest pleasure was to retain their confidence and to serve them and posterity to the utmost extent of his power and opportunity. (Disturbance at the rear of the hall; cries of “Put him out!” “Sit on ’is ’ead!") Mr. Punch begged they would do no such thing.  It would be sure to give way under pressure. (Laughter.) In conclusion, he begged to thank them for the honour they had done his friend, and he might add, themselves.

There were loud cries for TOBY, M.P., but the Hon. Member begged to be excused from making a speech on this occasion.  For one reason he shrank from coming into competition in the lists of platform-speaking with his revered friend and Leader.  Another thing was, he was really so overcome by the honour just done him, that he could not trust himself to speak.  He would write—­as soon as the new Parliament met.

After the customary votes of thanks had been carried by acclamation, the new Member was hoisted shoulder-high by the enthusiastic mob, and carried off to his country residence, The Kennel, Barks, where he will remain during the Recess.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE IMPORTANCE OF EXTERNALS.

“BUT WHY DON’T YOU SEND FOR DR. MASHER, AUNT JANE?  HE’S THE CLEVEREST DOCTOR IN THE WHOLE COUNTY!”

“OH, MY DEAR, I COULDN’T!  HE DRESSES SO IRRELIGIOUSLY!”]

* * * * *

VOTES AND THE MAN!

  “One Man, one Vote!” A fine, fair-sounding plan! 
  Would we could also get “One Vote, one Man!”
  Then we might also reach, “One Vote, one value.” 
  But, England, you have never found, nor shall you,
  Alas! (despite the democracy’s promoter)
  That real manhood always marks the voter;
  Or fearing neither knave’s device, nor “rough” rage,
  We’d trust the State to a true Manhood Suffrage!

* * * * *

FROM TAPLOW.

First ’Arry. I’ll tell you a good name for a Riverside Inn—­“The ’Av-a-launch.”

Second ’Arry. I’ll tell you a better—­“The ’Ave-a-lunch.”  Come along!

* * * * *

[Illustration:  WHITE LIES.

Frisky Spinster. “HOW MANY DANCES ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE ME TO-NIGHT, CAPTAIN WAXHAM?”

Captain Waxham. “OH, I’M SO SORRY, BUT THERE’S NOT ENOUGH MEN, YOU KNOW, AND I’VE JUST BEEN TOLD OFF BY MRS. MASHAM TO DANCE WITH THE GIRLS WHO—­A—­WHO ARE NOT LIKELY TO GET PARTNERS!”