Yours sincerely,
SOPHT SAWDER.

(In Answer to a Letter about meeting a Duchess.)

MY DEAR MADAM,

Yes, I have the honour of the Duchess’s acquaintance.  As you say, Her Grace’s “at homes” are charming, but of course they are not equal to her dinners.  I shall be only too pleased if I can bring about a meeting with the Duchess.

I am exceptionally busy just now, but please repeat the purport of your letter after the Election.  Who knows I may not be in a better position then than now to assist you.

Yours sincerely,
SOPHT SAWDER.

(In Answer to all Letters generally.)

MY DEAR ——­,

Of course I shall be only too delighted to help you in any way in my power.  You may always command me—­only too pleased, only too overjoyed.  But the fact is, I am just now exceptionally busy.  Please repeat the purport of your letter after the Election.  Who knows I may not be in a better position then than now to assist you.

Yours sincerely,
SOPHT SAWDER.

(Common Form Reply to Answers to the above.)

MR. SOPHT SAWDER, M.P., presents his compliments to ——­, and begs to say that he has no recollection of having promised anything.  Mr. S.S. regrets to say that he has no time for an interview.

* * * * *

PRICKLE-ME-UPS.

SIR,—­I am delighted to observe that some Constant Contributors (to other papers, not yours, Sir) are making dietetic experiments on Nettles.  Perhaps you would allow me to mention that Groundsel Salad is a delicious dish, when you get used to it, and that a Puree of Chickweed rarely fails to create delighted astonishment at a crowded dinner-table.  Bramble Pie is another excellent recipe straight from Dame Nature’s Cookery Book.  With great care, it is possible to cook Thistles in such a way as to make them taste just like Artichokes.  My family often has these and similar delicacies at their mid-day meal, when I am away in the City.

Yours truly,
LOVER OF ECONOMY.

SIR,—­I saw that letter about eating Nettles.  Of course it’s all rot (it you will excuse the expression), but I thought it would be fun to try the nettle diet on my Uncle JAMES, who never gives me a tip when I go to visit him, although my Mother says he’s as rich as Creesers, though I don’t know who they are.  So I got one or two good stinging ones (I knew they were stingers, because I tried them on Cook first) and cut off little bits and put them in Uncle JAMES’s sandwiches, which he always has for lunch.  It was awful larks to watch him eat them.  I thought he’d have a fit.  Then I said good-bye, and I haven’t been near him since.  But I got Cook to take him in a dock-leaf from me, and I hope he ate it after the sandwiches.  I thought it might do him good.  I’m going to try nettle sandwiches on a boy I know at school, who’s a beast.  I expect it will give him nettle-rash.  No more now from