[Asks the Girl just behind him for three Waltzes and a Polka!]

* * * * *

“CLOSED FOR ALTERATIONS AND REPAIRS.”

(A SONG OF THE THEATRE ROYAL, ST. STEPHEN’S.)

AIR—­“Killaloe.”

  Closed!  The long wild whillaloo
  That oft smacked of “Killaloe,”
    The contagious wrath of Buskin and of Sock
  Hath abated for awhile,
  And no more the Emerald Isle
    On the stage and in the green-room seems to shock. 
  The curtain is rung down,
  The comedian and the clown,
    With the sombre putter-on of tragic airs,
  Are gone, with all the cast,
  And the Theatre, at last,
    Is “Closed for Alterations and Repairs.”

      They may cheer for GLADSTONE hearty,
      For BALFOUR or MCCARTHY,
      This, that, or t’other party,
        As it pleases them to do. 
      They may howl like Maenads crazy,
      For policies dark and hazy;
          New stars ere long
          The stage may throng,
        To play in pieces new.

  The managerial soul
  Though relieved, upon the whole,
    From the six years’ run, and all its stir and strain;
  Feels anxiety, no doubt,
  As to “stars” which may go out,
    And others that may probably remain. 
  He has run a popular play,
  Which the Treasury says will pay,
    Despite of gallery hisses, groundling blares;
  But there’s care upon his face,
  ’Tis a most expensive place,
    And ’tis “Closed for Alterations and Repairs.”

          They may cheer, &c.

  No doubt there has been fun,
  But the piece has had its run. 
    And now from stage and playbill disappears. 
  Now east, west, north, and south,
  The quidnuncs are giving mouth,
    Till the Manager would gladly close his ears. 
  Two companies, neither loth,
  Seek his suffrages, and both
    Have a repertoire that half attracts, half scares. 
  He’s aware it will need nous
  To make choice.  Meanwhile the House,
    Is “Closed for Alterations and Repairs.”

          They may cheer, &c.

  Much money must be spent
  Ere the public is content. 
    Says the Manager, “By Jingo, I’m perplext. 
  Shall I keep on SALISBUREE,
  Or engage old W.G.,
    And what’s the piece that I shall put on next? 
  Well, no more need be said,
  Till July has fully sped
    And August brings the Autumn Season’s cares,
  Then we’ll learn the cast and play—­
  ’Tis sufficient for to-day
    That we’ve ‘Closed for Alterations and Repairs.’

      “They may cheer the Old Man hearty,
      Brave BALFOUR, mild MCCARTHY,
      This, that, or t’other party,
        As it pleases ’em to do. 
      Their noise half drives me crazy,
      The future’s rather hazy,
          But interest strong,
          I trust, ere long,
        Will crowd my House anew!”