CHARIVARIA.

“A motor car repairer,” says Mr. Justice Bray, “is like a plumber.  Once you get him into the house you cannot get him out."...  Unless, of course, you show him a burst bath pipe, when he will immediately go out to fetch his mate.

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According to Herr WILDRUBE, a member of the Reichstag, Germans should “rejoice at the departure of Mr. Gerard and his pro-Entente espionage bureau.”  They have some rubes in the U.S.A., but nothing quite so wild as this.

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An historical film, called “The Discovery of Germany,” is being exhibited widely through the Fatherland under the auspices of the Government.  A further discovery of Germany—­that she has been fatally misled by her rulers—­has not at present received the approval of the Imperial House.

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The German Army authorities have issued an urgent warning to the public not to discuss military matters.  Their own communiques are to be taken as a model of the right kind of reticence.

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An American film syndicate have overcome their difficulty in finding a man to take the place of Charlie Chaplin.  They have decided to do without.

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In Vienna, so as not to infuriate the indigent poor, tables are no longer placed near the window of the dearer restaurants.  Similar establishments in Germany for the same reason were long ago made sound-proof.

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We note that German and Turkish diplomats have been engaged in conference for the purpose of drawing the two countries closer together.  Any little pressure from outside (as on the Tigris and the Ancre) is doubtless welcome as contributing to this end.

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“The right way to dissipate the submarine nightmare” is how a contemporary describes the new restrictions on imports.  The embargo on tinned lobster should certainly have that effect.

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A museum is to be established at Stuttgart “to interest the masses of the people in overseas Germans and their conditions of life.”  Several Foreign Governments, it is understood, have expressed their willingness to supply specimens in any reasonable quantity.

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Lively satisfaction is being expressed among members of the younger set at the appointment of Mr. Alfred BIGLAND, M.P., as Controller of Soap.  They are now discussing a resolution calling for the abolition of nurse-maids, who are notorious for using soap to excess.

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A Bill has been introduced into the House of Lords with the object of admitting women to practise as solicitors.  The raising of the statutory fee for a consultation to 6_s._ 83/4_d._ is also under consideration.

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At Old Street Police Court a man charged with bigamy pleaded that when a child he had a fall which affected his head.  It is not known why other bigamists do it.