Mr. C.-J. I—I thought—I hoped—that, it being Saturday, I might be—er—fortunate enough—have I the pleasure of addressing Mrs. GUFFIN? [Both Women are convulsed with uncontrollable mirth.
Second Woman (on recovering—calling down the passage). ’Ere, Mrs. GUFFIN, yer wanted. ’Ere’s a gentleman come to see yer!
Mrs. Guffin (appearing from the basement, and standing at the further end of the passage). Well, what does he want?
Mr. C.-J. (raising his hat, and sending his voice down the passage to her). I ventured to call, Mrs. GUFFIN, in the hope of finding your husband at home, and ascertaining his—er—political sympathies, in view of the Election.
Mrs. Guffin. Oh, it’s about the voting, is it? Are you for a Conservatory?
Mr. C.-J. For a—? Oh, to be sure, yes. I came to ask Mr. GUFFIN to support Sir TILNEY BRUTON, the Conservative Candidate. Perhaps if I called again, I might—?
Mrs. Guffin (in a matter-of-fact tone). I don’t expect my ’usband ’ome till late, and then he’ll be drunk.
Mr. C.-J. Just so. But I trust, Mrs. GUFFIN, your husband feels the importance of maintaining the Union—?
Mrs. Guffin. He did belong, I know, but I think his branch broke up, or somethink.
Mr. C.-J. (puzzled). Ah, but I mean in—er—politics—I hope he is opposed to granting Home Rule to Ireland?
Mrs. G. He don’t tell me nothing about his politics, but I’ve ’eard him say he was Radikil.
Mr. C.-J. (diplomatically, as Mrs. G. slowly edges towards the door). Might I suggest, Mrs. GUFFIN, that you should use the—er—influence which every woman possesses, to—er—induce your husband—(here he suddenly becomes aware that Mrs. GUFFIN has a very pronounced black eye); but perhaps I ought not to ask you.
Mrs. G. Well, my opinion is—if you want someone to tork over my ’usband to your side, you’d better come and do it yourself; because I ain’t goin’ to. So there! [She retires to the basement again.
First Dish. W. If you toffs can’t do nothink better than come ’ere makin’ mischief between a man and his wife, you’d better stop at ’ome, that you ’ad!
Mr. C.-J. (to himself). Upon my word, I believe she’s right! But I never noticed the poor woman’s eye before. I wish I could find one of the men in, and have a talk with him—much more satisfactory! (Knocks at No. 4) Is Mr. BULCHER at home?
Mr. B. (lurching out of a room on the ground-floor). Qui’ c’rect, Guv’nor—thash me!
Mr. C.-J. I wanted to see you, Mr. BULCHER, to ask if we may count upon your support for the Conservative Candidate at the Election. I need hardly point out to you the—er—vital importance of—