I have never since, either in public or private life, appeared in petticoats again.

* * * * *

SONGS FOR THE SENTIMENTAL.—­No. 14.

  Oft have I fondly heard thee pour
    Love’s incense in mine ear! 
  Oft bade thy lips repeat once more
    The words I deemed sincere! 
  But—­though the truth this heart may break—­
  I know thee false “and no mistake!”

  My fancy pictured to my heart
    Thy boasted passion, pure;
  Dreamed thy affection, void of art,
    For ever would endure. 
  Alas! in vain my woe I smother! 
  I find thee very much “more t’other!”

  ’Twas sweet to hear you sing of love,
    But, when you talk of gold,
  Your sordid, base design you prove,
    And—­for it must be told—­
  Since from my soul the truth you drag—­
  “You let the cat out of the bag!”

* * * * *

STARVATION STATISTICS FOR SIR ROBERT PEEL

That the people of this country are grossly pampered there can be no doubt, for the following facts have been ascertained from which it will be seen that there have been instances of persons living on much coarser fare than the working classes in England.

In 1804, a shipwrecked mariner, who was thrown on to the celebrated mud-island of Coromandel, lived for three weeks upon his own wearing apparel.  He first sucked all the goodness out of his jacket, and the following day dashed his buttons violently against the rock in order to soften them.  He next cut pieces from his trousers, as tailors do when they want cabbage, and found them an excellent substitute for that salubrious vegetable.  He was in the act of munching his boots for breakfast one morning, when he was fortunately picked up by his Majesty’s schooner Cutaway.

In the year ’95, the crew of the brig Terrible lost all their provisions, except a quantity of candles.  After these were gone, they took a plank out of the side of the vessel and sliced it, which was their board for a whole fortnight.

After these startling and particularly well-authenticated facts, it would be absurd to deny that there is no reason for taking into consideration the comparatively trifling distress that is now prevalent.

* * * * *

THE FASTEST MAN.

“A person named Meara,” says the Galway Advertiser, “confined for debt some time since in our town jail, fasted sixteen days!”

Sibthorp says this is an excellent illustration of hard and fast, and entitles the gentleman to be placed at

[Illustration:  THE SUMMIT OF HIS PROFESSION.]

* * * * *

SIBTHORPS CON.  CORNER.