Now whether Uncle John did clearly understand the drift of the question put to him, or whether he conceived that he was solicited to be the subject of some benevolent experiments for the advantage of future generations, it is certain that no man ever looked more positively

[Illustration:  ON THE HORN OF A DILEMMA]

than Uncle Peter.  At length the true state of the case was made apparent to him; and the conclusion that he arrived at reflects the greatest possible credit upon his judgment.  He decided, that as the child was a divided property, for the sake of peace and quietness, the heir of Applebite should be vaccinated in one arm and inoculated in the other.

* * * * *

FALSE ALARM.

We were paralysed the other day at seeing a paragraph headed “Sibthorpe’s conversion.”  Our nose grew pale with terror; our hump heaved with agitation.  We thought there existed a greater genius than ourselves and that some one had discovered that Sibthorp could be converted into anything but a Member for Lincoln, and buffoon-in-waiting to the House of Commons.  We found, however, that it alluded to a Reverend, and not to OUR Colonel.  Really the newspaper people should be more careful.  Such startling announcements are little better than

[Illustration:  SHEE(A)R CRUELTY.]

* * * * *

DOING THE STATE SOME SERVICE.

During the conflagration of the Tower, it was apprehended at one time that the portion of it called the White Tower would have shared the fate of the grand store-house,—­this was however prevented by hanging wet blankets around it, in which capacity Peter Borthwick, Mr. Plumtre, Col.  Percival, and Lord Castlereagh, kindly offered their personal services and were found admirably adapted for the purpose.

* * * * *

THE GENTLEMAN’S OWN BOOK.

We will now proceed to the consideration of that indispensable adjunct to a real gentleman—­his purse.  This little talisman, though of so much real importance, is very limited in the materials of its formation, being confined exclusively to silk.  It should generally be of net work, very sparingly powdered with small beads, and of the most delicate colours, such conveying the idea that the fairy fingers of some beauteous friend had wove the tiny treasury.  We have seen some of party colours, intended thereby to distinguish the separate depository of the gold and silver coin with which it is (presumed) to be stored.  This arrangement we repudiate; for a true gentleman should always appear indifferent to the value of money, and affect at least an equal contempt for a sovereign as a shilling.  We prefer having the meshes of the purse rather large than otherwise, as whenever it is necessary—­mind, we say necessary—­to exhibit it, the glittering contents shining through the interstices are never an unpleasing object of contemplation.