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OUR TRADE REPORT.

Coals are a shade blacker than they were last week, but not quite so heavy; and turnips are much lighter than they have been known for a very considerable period.

Great complaints are made of the ticketing system; and persons going to purchase shawls, as they supposed, at nine-pence three-farthings each, are disgusted at being referred to a very small one pound sixteen marked very lightly in pencil immediately before the 9-3/4d., which is very large and in very black ink.  There were several transactions of this kind during the whole morning.

The depressed state of the Gossamer-market has long been a subject of conversation among the four-and-niners who frequent the cheap coffee-shops in the City; but no one knows the cause of what has taken place, nor can they exactly state what the occurrence is that they are so loudly complaining of.

Bones continue to fetch a penny for two pounds; but great murmurs are heard of the difficulty of making up a pound equal to the very liberal weights which the marine-store keepers use when making their purchases; they, however, make up for it by using much lighter weights when they sell, which is so far fair and satisfactory.

The arrivals in baked potatoes have been very numerous; fifty cans were entered outwards on Saturday.

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RELATIVE GENTILITY.

Two ladies of St. Giles’s disputing lately on the respectability of each other’s family, concluded the debate in the following way:—­“Mrs. Doyle, ma’am, I’d have you know that I’ve an uncle a bannister of the law.”  “Much about your bannister,” retorted Mrs. Doyle; “haven’t I a first cousin a corridor in the navy?”

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KEEPING IT DARK.

Jim Bones, a free nigger of New York, has a child so exceedingly dark that he cannot be seen on the lightest day.

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THE GENTLEMAN’S OWN BOOK.

REVENONS A NOS MOUTONS—­i.e. (for the benefit of country members) to return to our mutton, or rather the “trimmings.”  The ornaments which notify the pecuniary superiority of the wearer include chains, rings, studs, canes, watches, and purses. Chains should be of gold, and cannot be too ostentatiously displayed; for a proper disposition of these “braveries” is sure to induce the utmost confidence in the highly useful occupants of Pigot’s and Robson’s Directory.  We have seen some waistcoats so elaborately festooned, that we would stake our inkstand that the most unbelieving money-lender would have taken the personal security of the wearer without hesitation.  The perfection to which mosaic-work has arrived may possibly hold out a strong temptation to the thoughtless to substitute the shadow for the reality.  Do not deceive yourself; an experienced eye will instantly detect the imposition, though your ornaments may be