All sums insured for to be paid six months after the death or recovery of the individual.

A contract may be entered into for wooden legs, glass eyes, strapping, bandages, splints, and sticking-plaister.

Several enterprising young men as guards, stokers, engineers, experimental tripists, and surgeons, wanted for immediate consumption.

Apply for qualifications and appointments, to the Branch Office, at the New Highgate Cemetery.

* * * * *

NOTHING NEW.

  The Tories are, truly, Conservative elves,
  For every one knows they take care of themselves.

* * * * *

SCHOOL OF DESIGN.

The public will be delighted to learn, there can be no doubt, as to the elegant acquirements of the various attaches of the new Tory premier.  The peculiar avidity with which they one and all appear determined to secure the salaries for their various suppositionary services, must convince the most sceptical that they have carefully studied the art of drawing.

* * * * *

THE LABOURS OF THE SESSION.

None but Ministers know what Ministers go through for the pure love of their country; no person who has not reposed in the luxuriously-cushioned chairs of the Treasury or Downing-street can conceive the amount of business Sir Robert and his colleagues have transacted during the three months they have been in office.  The people, we know, have been crying for bread—­the manufacturers are starving—­but their rebellious appetites will be appeased—­their refractory stomachs will feel comforted, when they are told all that their friends the Tories have been doing for them.  How will they blush for their ingratitude when they find that the following great measures have been triumphantly carried through Parliament by Sir Robert’s exertions—­The VENTILATING OF THE HOUSE BILL!  Think of that, ye thin-gutted weavers of Manchester.  Drop down on your marrow-bones, and bless the man who gives your representatives fresh air—­though he denies you—­a mouthful of coarse food.  Then look at his next immense boon—­The ROYAL KITCHEN-GARDEN BILL!  What matters it that the gaunt fiend Famine sits at your board, when you can console yourselves with the reflection that cucumbers and asparagus will be abundant in the Royal Kitchen Garden!  But Sir Robert does not stop here.  What follows next?—­The FOREIGN BISHOPS’ BILL!  See how our spiritual wants are cared for by your tender-hearted Tories—­they shudder at the thoughts of Englishmen being fed on foreign corn; but they give them instead, a full supply of Foreign Bishops.  After that comes—­The REPORT OF THE LUNATICS’ BILL.  This important document has been founded on the proceedings in the Upper House, and is likely to be of vast service to