Of course, this piece, though it enchanted the musical part of the audience, disgusted the promenaders, and was received but coldly.  This, however, was made up for when the drumming, smashing, and brass-blurting of the overture to “Zampa” was noised forth:  this was encored with ecstacies, and so were some of the quadrilles.  Happy musical taste!  Beethoven’s septour, arranged as a set of quadrilles, is a desecration unworthy of Musard.  For this piece of bad taste he ought to be condemned to arrange the sailor’s hornpipe, as

[Illustration:  A SLOW MOVEMENT IN C (SEA).]

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THE WAR WITH CHINA.

The celebrated pranks of the “Bull in the China Shop” are likely to be repeated on a grand scale—­the part of the Bull being undertaken, on this occasion, by the illustrious John who is at the head of the family.

The Emperor, when the last advices left, was discussing a chop, surrounded by all his ministers.  The chop, which was dished up with a good deal of Chinese sauce, was ultimately forwarded to Elliot.  The custom of sending chops to an enemy is founded on the idea, that the fact of there being a bone to pick cannot be conveyed with more delicacy than “by wrapping it up,” as it is commonly termed, as politely as possible.

Our readers will be surprised to hear that the Chinese have attacked our forces with junk, from which it has been supposed that our brave tars have been pitched into with large pieces of salt beef, while the English commanders have been pelted with chops; but this is an error.  The thing called junk is not the article of that name used in the Royal Navy, but a gimcrack attempt at a vessel, built principally of that sort of material, something between wood and paper, of which we in this country manufacture hat-boxes.

The Emperor is such a devil of a fellow, that those about him are afraid to tell him the truth; and though his troops have been most unmercifully wallopped, he has been humbugged into the belief that they have achieved a victory.  A poor devil named Ke-shin, who happened to suggest the necessity for a stronger force, was instantly split up by order of the Emperor, who can now and then do things by halves, though such is not his ordinary custom.

We have sent out a correspondent of our own to China, who will supply us with the earliest intelligence.

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TO BENEVOLENT AND HUMANE JOKERS.

CASE OF EXTREME JOCULAR DISTRESS.

The sympathies of a charitable and witty public are earnestly solicited in behalf of

JOHN WILSON CROKER, Esq., late Secretary to the Admiralty, author of the “New Whig Guide,” &c., &c., who, from having been considered one of the first wits of his day, is now reduced to a state of unforeseen comic indigence.  It is earnestly hoped that this appeal will not be made in vain, and that, by the liberal contributions of the facetious, he will be restored to his former affluence in jokes, and that by such means he may be able to continue his contributions to the “Quarterly Review,” which have been recently refused from their utter dulness.