There are also to be published with the Report elaborate tables, showing how many quarts of milk are spilt in the course of a year in serving customers; what proportion of water it contains; and what are the average ages and breed of the dogs who lap it up; and how much is left unlapped up to be absorbed in the atmosphere.

When this valuable Report is published, we shall make copious extracts.

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A NOVEL ENTERTAINMENT.

DRURY-LANE THEATRE.

Novelty is certainly the order of the day.  Anything that does not deviate from the old beaten track meets with little encouragement from the present race of amusement-seekers, and, consequently, does not pay the entrepreneur.  Nudity in public adds fresh charms to the orchestra, and red-fire and crackers have become absolutely essential to harmony.  Acting upon this principle, Signor Venafra gave (we admire the term) a fancy dress ball at Drury-lane Theatre on Monday evening last, upon a plan hitherto unknown in England, but possibly, like the majority of deceptive delusions now so popular, of continental origin.  The whole of the evening’s entertainment took place in cabs and hackney-coaches, and those vehicles performed several perfectly new and intricate figures in Brydges-street, and the other thoroughfares adjoining the theatres.  The music provided for the occasion appeared to be an organ-piano, which performed incessantly at the corner of Bow-street, during the evening.  Most of the elite of Hart-street and St. Giles’s graced the animated pavement as spectators.  So perfectly successful was the whole affair—­on the word of laughing hundreds who came away saying they had never been so amused in their lives—­that we hear it is in agitation never to attempt anything of the kind again.

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DONE AGAIN.

Dunn, the bailless barrister, complained to his friend Charles Phillips, that upon the last occasion he had the happiness of meeting Miss Burdett Coutts on the Marine Parade, notwithstanding all he has gone through for her, she would not condescend to take the slightest notice of him.  So far from offering anything in the shape of consolation, the witty barrister remarked, “Upon my soul, her conduct was in perfect keeping with her situation, for what on earth could be more in unison with a sea-view than

[Illustration:  A CUTTER ON THE BEACH?”]

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It is well known that the piers of Westminster Bridge have considerably sunk since their first erection.  They are not the only peers, in the same neighbourhood that have become lowered in the position they once occupied.

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ASSERTION OF THE UNINTELLIGIBLE.