“Will you back the bay?”

The inquiry has been made in such a do-if-you-dare tone, that to hesitate would evince a cowardice unworthy of the first coachman to the first peer in Belgrave-square, and a leg of mutton and trimmings are duly entered in a greasy pocket-book, as dependent upon the result of the Derby.

“The son of Tros, fair Ganymede,” is again called into requisition, and the party are getting, as Tom says, “As happy as Harry Stockracy.”

“I’ve often heerd that chap mentioned,” remarks the blue uniform, “but I never seed no one as know’d him.”

“No more did I,” replies Tom, “though he must be a fellow such as us, up to everything.”

All the coachmen cough, strike an attitude, and look wise.

“Now here comes a sort of chap I despises,” remarks Tom, pointing to a steady-looking man, without encumbrance, who had just entered the yard, evidently a coachman to a pious family; “see him handle a hoss.  Smear—­smear—­like bees-waxing a table.  Nothing varminty about him—­nothing of this sort of thing (spreading himself out to the gaze of his admiring auditory), but I suppose he’s useful with slow cattle, and that’s a consolation to us as can’t abear them.”  And with this negative compliment Tom has broken up his conversazione.

I once knew a country ostler—­by name Peter Staggs—­he was a lower species of the same genus—­a sort of compound of my friend Tom and a waggoner—­the delf of the profession.  He was a character in his way; he knew the exact moment of every coach’s transit on his line of road, and the birth, parentage, and education of every cab, hack, and draught-horse in the neighbourhood.  He had heard of a mane-comb, but had never seen one; he considered a shilling for a “feed” perfectly apocryphal, as he had never received one.  He kept a rough terrier-dog, that would kill anything in the country, and exhibited three rows of putrified rats, nailed at the back of the stable, as evidences of the prowess of his dog.  He swore long country oaths, for which he will be unaccountable, as not even an angel could transcribe them.  In short, he was a little “varminty,” but very little.

We will conclude this “lytle historie” with the epitaph of poor Peter Staggs, which we copied from a rail in Swaffham churchyard.

    “EPITAPH ON PETER STAGGS.

  Poor Peter Staggs now rests beneath this rail,
  Who loved his joke, his pipe, and mug of ale;
  For twenty years he did the duties well,
  Of ostler, boots, and waiter at the ‘Bell.’ 
  But Death stepp’d in, and order’d Peter Staggs
  To feed his worms, and leave the farmers’ nags. 
  The church clock struck one—­alas! ’twas Peter’s knell,
  Who sigh’d, ‘I’m coming—­that’s the ostler’s bell!’”

Peace to his manes!

* * * * *

A HINT FOR POLITICIANS.