THE QUEEN.—­What have you done in the latter art to entitle you to such a distinction?

SIR ROBERT.—­I have performed some very wonderful changes.  When I was out of place, I had opinions strongly opposed to Catholic emancipation; but when I got into service I changed them in the course of a few days.

THE QUEEN.—­I have heard that you boast of possessing a nostrum for the restoration of the public good.  What is it?

SIR ROBERT.—­Am I to consider myself “as regularly called in?”

THE QUEEN.—­That is a question I decline answering at present.

SIR ROBERT.—­Then I regret that I must also remain silent.

THE QUEEN (aside).—­The wily fox! (aloud)—­Are you aware that great distress exists in the country?

SIR ROBERT.—­Oh, yes!  I have heard that there are several families who keep no man-servant, and that numerous clerks, weavers, and other artisans, occupy second-floors.

THE QUEEN.—­I have heard that the people are wanting bread.

SIR ROBERT.—­Ha, ha! that was from the late premier, I suppose.  He merely forgot an adjective—­it is cheap bread that the people are clamouring for.

THE QUEEN.—­And why can they not have it?

SIR ROBERT.—­I have consulted with the Duke of Richmond upon the subject, and he says it is impossible.

THE QUEEN.—­But why?

SIR ROBERT.—­Wheat must be lower before bread can be cheaper.

THE QUEEN.—­Well!

SIR ROBERT.—­And rents must be less if that is the case, and—­

THE QUEEN.—­Well!

SIR ROBERT.—­And that the landowners won’t agree to.

THE QUEEN.—­Well!

SIR ROBERT.—­And, then, I can’t keep my place a day.

THE QUEEN.—­Then the majority of my subjects are to be rendered miserable for the advantage of the few?

SIR ROBERT.—­That’s the principle of all good governments.  Besides, cheap bread would be no benefit to the masses, for wages would be lower.

THE QUEEN.—­Do you really believe such would be the case?

SIR ROBERT.—­Am I regularly called in?

THE QUEEN.—­You evade a direct answer, I see.  Granting such to be your belief, your friends and landowners would suffer no injury, for their incomes would procure them as many luxuries.

SIR ROBERT.—­Not if they were to live abroad, or patronise foreign manufactures:  and should wages be higher, what would they say to me after all the money they have expended in bri—­I mean at the Carlton Club, if I allow the value of their “dirty acres” to be reduced.

THE QUEEN.—­Pray, what do you call such views?

SIR ROBERT.—­Patriotism.

THE QUEEN.—­Charity would be a better term, as that is said to begin at home.  How long were you in your last place?

SIR ROBERT.—­Not half so long as I wished—­for the sake of the country.

THE QUEEN.—­Why did you leave?