PUNCH’S GUIDE TO SERVICE;

OR,

[Illustration:  THE HOUSEMAID’S BEST FRIEND.]

CHAPTER 1.

ON THE PROCESS AND RATIONALE OF LIGHTING FIRES.

Take a small cylindrical aggregation of parallelopedal sections of the ligneous fibre (vulgarly denominated a bundle of fire-wood), and arrange a fractional part of the integral quantity rectilineally along the interior of the igneous receptacle known as a grate, so as to form an acute angle (of, say 25 deg.) with its base; and one (of, say 65 deg.) with the posterior plane that is perpendicular to it; taking care at the same time to leave between each parallelopedal section an insterstice isometrical with the smaller sides of any one of their six quadrilateral superficies, so as to admit of the free circulation of the atmospheric fluid.  Superimposed upon this, arrange several moderate-sized concretions of the hydro-carburetted substance (vulgo coal), approximating in figure as nearly as possible to the rhombic dodecahedron, so that the solid angles of each concretion may constitute the different points of contact with those immediately adjacent.  Insert into the cavity formed by the imposition of the ligneous fibre upon the inferior transverse ferruginous bar, a sheet of laminated lignin, or paper, compressed by the action of the digits into an irregular spheroid.

These preliminary operations having been skilfully performed, the process of combustion may be commenced.  For this purpose, a smaller woody paralleloped—­the extremities of which have been previously dipped in sulphur in a state of liquefaction—­must be ignited and applied to the laminated lignin, or waste paper, and so elevate its temperature to a degree required for its combustion, which will be communicated to the ligneous superstructure; this again raises the temperature of the hydro-carburet concretion, and liberates its carburetted hydrogen in the form of gas; which gas, combining with the oxygen of the atmosphere, enters into combustion, and a general ignition ensues.  This, in point of fact, constitutes what is popularly termed—­“lighting a fire.”

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AN IMMINENT BREACH.

In an action lately tried at the Cork Assizes, a lady obtained fifteen hundred pounds damages, for a breach of promise of marriage, against a faithless lover.  Lady Morgan sends us the following trifle on the subject:—­

  What! fifteen hundred!—­’tis a sum severe;
    The fine by far the injury o’erreaches. 
  For one poor breach of promise ’tis too dear—­
    ’Twould be sufficient for a pair of breaches!

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SCHOOL OF DESIGN.

Several designing individuals, whose talents for drawing on paper are much greater than those of Charles Kean for drawing upon the stage, met together at Somerset House, on Monday last, to distribute prizes among their scholars.  Prince Albert presided, gave away the prizes with great suavity, and made a speech which occupied exactly two seconds and a-half.