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SIGNS OF THE TIMES.

The Tories are coming into office, and the Parliament House is surrounded with scaffolds!

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TO BAKERS AND FISHMONGERS.

Want places, in either of the above lines, three highly practical and experienced hands, fully capable and highly accomplished in the arduous duties of “looking after any quantity of loaves and fishes.”  A ten years’ character can be produced from their last places, which they leave because the concern is for the present disposed of to persons equally capable.  No objection to look after the till.  Wages not so much an object as an extensive trade, the applicants being desirous of keeping their hands in.  Apply to Messrs. Russell, Melbourne, and Palmerston, Downing-street Without.

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“It is very odd,” said Sergeant Channell to Thessiger, “that Tindal should have decided against me on that point of law which, to me, seemed as plain as A B C.”  “Yes,” replied Thessiger, “but of what use is it that it should have been A B C to you, if the judge was determined to be D E F to it?”

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CLEVER ROGUES.

The Belfast Vindicator has a story of a sailor who pledged a sixpence for threepence, having it described on the duplicate ticket as “a piece of silver plate of beautiful workmanship,” by which means he disposed of the ticket for two-and-sixpence.  The Tories are so struck with this display of congenial roguery, that they intend pawning their “BOB,” and having him described as “a rare piece of vertu(e) premiere qualite” in the expectation of securing a crown by it.

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MUNTZ ON THE STATE OF THE CROPS.

Mr. Muntz requests us to state, in answer to numerous inquiries as to the motives which induce him to cultivate his beard, that he is actuated purely by a spirit of economy, having, for the last few years, grown his own mattresses, a practice which he earnestly recommends to the attention of all prudent and hirsute individuals.  He finds, by experience, that nine square inches of chin will produce, on an average, about a sofa per annum.  The whiskers, if properly attended to, may be made to yield about an easy chair in the same space of time; whilst luxuriant moustachios will give a pair of anti-rheumatic attrition gloves every six months.  Mr. M. recommends, as the best mode of cultivation for barren soils, to plough with a cat’s-paw, and manure with Macassar.

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The Earl of Stair has been created Lord Oxenford.  Theodore Hook thinks that the more appropriate title for a Stair, in raising him a step higher, would have been Lord Landing-place, or Viscount Bannister.