This is only an imperfect outline of the code which the inventor asserts may be introduced with wonderful advantage in the streets, the theatres, at churches, and dissenting chapels; and, in short, everywhere that the language of the lips cannot be used.

* * * * *

LABOURS OF THE BRITISH ASSOCIATION FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF SCIENCE.

  A day on the water, by way of excursion,
  A night at the play-house, by way of diversion,
  A morning assemblage of elegant ladies,
  A chemical lecture on lemon and kalis,
  A magnificent dinner—­the venison so tender—­
  Lots of wine, broken glasses—­that’s all I remember.

FITZROY FIPPS, F.R.G.S., MEM.  ASS.  ADVT.  SCIENCE, F.A.S.

Plymouth, August 5.

* * * * *

A GOOD REASON.

We have much pleasure in announcing to the liverymen and our fellow-citizens, the important fact, that for the future, the lord mayor’s day will be the fifth instead of the ninth of November.  The reason for this change is extremely obvious, as that is the principal day of the “Guy season.”

* * * * *

The members of the Carlton Club have been taking lessons in bell-ringing.  They can already perform some pleasing changes.  Colonel Sibthorpe is quite au fait at a Bob major, and Horace Twiss hopes, by ringing a Peal, to be appointed collector of tolls—­at Waterloo Bridge.

* * * * *

We recommend Lord Cardigan to follow the example of the officers of Ghent, who have introduced umbrellas into the army, even on parade.  Some men should gladly avail themselves of any opportunity of hiding their heads.

* * * * *

[Illustration]

PUNCH’S INFORMATION FOR THE PEOPLE.—­No. 2.

THE THERMOMETER.

General Description.—­The thermometer is an instrument for showing the temperature; for by it we can either see how fast a man’s blood boils when he is in a passion, or, according as the seasons have occurred this year, how cold it is in summer, and how hot in winter.  It is mostly cased in tin, all the brass being used up by certain lecturers, who are faced with the latter metal.  It has also a glass tube, with a bulb at the end, exactly like a tobacco-pipe, with the bowl closed up; except that, instead of tobacco, they put mercury into it.  As the heat increases, the mercury expands, precisely as the smoke would in a pipe, if it were confined to the tube.  A register is placed behind the tube, crossed by a series of horizontal lines, the whole resembling a wooden milk-score when the customer is several weeks in arrear.

Derivation of Name.—­The thermometer derives its name from two Greek words, signifying “measure of heat;” a designation which has caused much warm discussion, for the instrument is also employed to tell when it freezes, by those persons who are too scientific to find out by the tips of their fingers and the blueness of their noses.