“As mild as milk, or raging as the storm.”

So that nervous single ladies need not be terrified out of their senses every time they knock at their door, by the grim personification of a Nero at feeding time; or a tender-hearted poor-law guardian be pestered during dinner by invitations afforded to the starving poor by the benevolent expression of his knocker.

Ugly ones!  I have now imparted to you my secret.

* * * * *

ON THE POPULARITY OF MR. CH—­S K—­N.

  Oh, Mr. Punch! what glorious times
  Are these, for humbly gifted mimes;
    When, spite of each detracter,
  Paternal name and filial love,
  Assisted by “the powers above,”
    Have made C——­s K——­n an actor!

  “’Tis true,” his generous patrons say,
  “Of genius he ne’er had a ray;
    Yet, all his faults to smother,
  The youth inherits, from his sire,
  A name which all the world admire,
    And dearly loves his mother!”

  Stripp’d of his adventitious aid,
  He ne’er ten pounds a week had made;
    Yet every Thespian brother
  Is now kept down, or put to flight,
  While he gets fifty pounds a night,
    Because—­he loves his mother!

  Though I’m, in heart and soul, a friend
  To genuine talent, Heaven forefend
    That I should raise a pother,
  Because the philanthropic folks
  Wink and applaud a pious hoax,
    For one who—­loves his mother!

  No!  Heaven prolong his parent’s life
  And grant that no untimely strife
    May wean them from each other! 
  For soon he’d find the golden fleece
  Slip from his grasp, should he e’er cease
    To keep and—­love his mother!

* * * * *

A CON.  BY COLONEL SIBTHORP.

Why is a chesnut horse, going at a rapid pace up an inclined plane, like an individual in white trousers presenting a young lady in book muslin with an infantine specimen of the canine species?—­Because he is giving a gallop up (a girl a pup).

* * * * *

THE DRAMA.

ASTLEY’S COMPANY AT THE OLYMPIC.

The distresses of actors distress nobody but themselves.  A tale of woe told off the stage by a broad comedian, begets little sympathy; and if he is in the “heavy line,” people say he is used to it, and is only acting—­playing off upon you a melancholy joke, that he may judge how it will tell at night.  Thus, when misfortune takes a benefit, charity seldom takes tickets; for she is always sceptical about the so-called miseries of the most giddy, volatile, jolly, careless, uncomplaining (where managers and bad parts are not concerned) vainest, and apparently, happiest possible members of the community, who are