Mac-
        Beth, or -ready,
        And thou, small quack,
        Of plaudits greedy! 
  Our pen, deserted by the tuneful Muses,
  To write on such a barren theme refuses.

* * * * *

THEATRE ROYAL, DRURY LANE,
POLITICAL PROMENADE AND CONSERVATIVE CONCERTS. 
The most splendid night of the season!  Friday, the 20th of August. 
CAPTAIN ROUS’S NIGHT! 
British Champagne and the British Constitution!—­The Church, the
State, and Real Turtle!

The performances will commence with
FISH OUT OF WATER,
Sam Savory—­Captain Rous, R.N. 
After which,
HIS FIRST CHAMPAGNE;
Which will embrace the whole strength of THE STEWARDS. 
In the course of the Evening, the ENLIGHTENED
LICENSED VICTUALLERS,
(Those zealous admirers of true British spirit) will parade the
room amid
A GRAND DISPLAY OF ELECTION ACCOUNTS.

To be followed by a GRAND PANTOMIME, called
HARLEQUIN HUMBUG;
OR, BRAVO ROUS! 
OLD GLORY (afterwards Pantaloon) SIR F. BURDETT,
who has kindly offered his services on this occasion. 
HARRY HUMBUG (a true British Sailor, afterwards Harlequin), CAPT.  ROUS. 
DON WHISKERANDOS (afterwards Clown), COL.  SIBTHORPE. 
The whole to conclude with a grand melange of
HATS, COATS, AND UMBRELLAS.

TICKETS TO BE HAD AT ANY PRICE.

Stretchers to be at the doors at half-past 2, and policemen to take
up with their heads towards Bow-street.

VIVAT REGINA.

* * * * *

THE ADVANTAGES OF ANIMAL MAGNETISM.

The experiments of M. Delafontaine having again raised an outcry against this noble science, from the apparent absence of any benefit likely to arise from it, beyond converting human beings into pincushions and galvanic dummies.  We, who look deeper into things than the generality of the world, hail it as an inestimable boon to mankind, and proceed at once to answer the numerous enquirers as to the cui bono of this novel soporific.

By a judicious application of the mesmeric fluid, the greatest domestic comfort can be insured at the least possible trouble.  The happiest Benedict is too well aware that ladies will occasionally exercise their tongues in a way not altogether compatible with marital ideas of quietude.  A few passes of the hand ("in the way of kindness for he who would,” &c. vide Tobin) will now silence the most powerful oral battery; and Tacitus himself might, with the aid of mesmerism, pitch his study in a milliner’s work-room.  Hen-pecked husbands have now other means at their command, to secure quiet, than their razors and their garters.  We have experimentalised upon our Judy, and find it answer to a miracle.  Mrs. Johnson may shut up her laboratory for American Soothing Syrup; mesmerism is the only panacea for those morning and evening infantile ebullitions which affectionate mammas always assign to the teeth, the wind, or a pain in the stomach, and never to that possible cause, a pain in the temper.  Mesmerism is “the real blessing to mothers,” and Elliotson the Mrs. Johnson of the day.  We have tried it upon our Punchininny, and find it superior to our old practice of throwing him out of the window.